GOLFER SUCKED INTO BLACK HOLE!

“HE REACHED INOT THE CUP TO GET HIS BALL – AND DISAPPEARED!

Four golfers in North Carolina had just finished playing the 16th hole when one reached in to retrieve his ball and was sucked into oblivion.

The other three played through.

But after cocktails, the linkers decided to investigate their pal’s disappearance since they’d have to find someone else to comple their foursome before the next day’s 6 a.m. tee-off.

“One second Bill Rubens was on his knees, his butt in the air with his hand in the cup,” pal Frank Sanders told local cops. “The next second, he was gone. I swear. The last we saw of him was his golf spikes. I know he was taken by force because he left all his new, very expensive titanium clubs behind. He just brought them last week!”

Police detectives combed the area and brought in heavy machinery to dig under the green where Rubens was last seen.

“A lot of good that did,” says Hank Crenshaw, another of the foursome. “Now the whole place is a disaster, and there’s yellow tape all around the 16th hole. What are we supposed to do tomorrow – stay home with our wives?”

After searching for there days, police detectives contacted Dr. Michaesl Cox, a retired Princeton physicist, hoping to solve the mystery.

Cox assembled a team of his brightest graduate students and took them to the vanishing point.

SEARCHING FOR BILL

For two weeks, the experts measured, probed and plotted until they came to a conclusion.

“Bill Rubens was sucked into a black hole,” says Cox. “People believe black holes can only exist in space, but that’s a fallacy. They can be formed beneath the crust of the earth.

“A black hole is an area in which the gravity keeps collapsing until it’s so compressed even light can’t escape.

“I’m certain the builders who constructed the course had no idea of the phenomenon lying just beneath them. It was just a freak accident that the 16th green was over a black hole.”

Asked if there is any chance that Bill Rubens might return, the professor sadly shook his head.

After the physicists left, grounds crews repaired the damage and moved the 16th hole to prevent golfers from being sucked into it.

Jane Rubens gave a moving memorial service for her husband. All his loving friends were in attendance.

“Now that Jan’es a widow, I think we should help her out,” says Frank. ‘I offered to take Bill’s clubs and bag off her hands.” It’s the least I can do.”