The Mystifying Menace is back!
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – A horrible and mystifying new menace has once again arisen to threaten Australia and perhaps all of humankind:
“I was on my way to Bondi Beach when the earth began to tremble violently,” eighteen-year-old bike repairman Rolf Steadman told Weekly World News. “Sidewalks buckled and cracked, rolling like concrete waves. Suddenly a terror-stricken mob rounded the corner, pouring into Darling Street. A moment later, a skyscraper crumpled in a sea of debris as it appeared.”
It was a creature the world saw only once before in 1997 near Melbourne. The creature has been named Kangorous!
“The monster stood more than a hundred feet tall and was a bizarre cross between a kangaroo and a dinosaur!” said tourist Ejo Yaratsubi. “Its massive feet trampled cars and its scaly tail sliced through buildings. It was terrible.”
The New South Wales police force quickly surrounded the behemoth biped at the harbor amusement area.
“They opened up with everything they had,” said ice cream vendor Morrie King. “Shotguns, grenades, slingshots – but nothing stopped it.’”
BABY GETS LOOSE?
With its tail whipping wildly, Kangorous cut a deadly swath as something stirred in the beast’s mammoth pouch. Moments later, a big-footed creature leaped from within and landed on the pier.
“It was a baby Kangorous,” King went on. “It jumped around the Luna Park Amusement Park, flattening the Ferris wheel. Panic seized the populace as the monsters continued their reign of terror, impervious to the ground-based attack.”
Suddenly, a cheer erupted from onlookers as a squadron of Royal Australian Air Force F-18 fighters roared into view, streaking downward in a tight attack formation. As the F-18 Hornets swooped under the Harbor Bridge, the Kangori emitted a tremendous roar. Glass shattered in a hundred buildings. As the lead jet launched a Sidewinder missile, the elder Kangorous ripped a section of the Harbor Bridge from its foundation and heaved it at the Hornets. Two jets were destroyed as a pair of fireballs lit the sky above Sydney. The triumphant Kangorous roared approval, clapping its tiny paws together.
“Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, the creatures shimmered and wavered, slowly becoming transparent,” King said. “A moment later they both vanished.’”
“We are frankly mystified,” said Tak Fujita of the Botany Bay Institute of Natural History. “There is no evidence of such creatures ever walking the Earth. Without tissues or DNA samples, it is impossible to classify them as anything other than monsters created by some means we do not yet understand.
“Whatever the cause, I pray that this is an isolated incident and not the start of something bigger.”
Weekly World News will continue to bring you the latest developments as they occur.