INVISIBLE BIBLE FOUND AT BOTTOM OF SEA!

GUIDE TO LIFE!

Scientists descending to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean in a new bathysphere were expecting to find something, maybe even something shocking. 

“It seems like every time someone climbs into one of these things, they discover a new giant octopus, or a hot-water vent, or a ninety-foot sentient fern,” said Dr. Jill Apodice.

But Apodice and her team weren’t prepared for what they did find.

“The bathysphere was dropping and dropping and then we bumped into something,” said Apodice. “We used the robotic arms and brought it into the airlock.”

But when the team looked into the airlock, they saw nothing.

“Nothing at all,” said Apodice.

And yet, the robotic arms wouldn’t move closer than a foot away from each other.

“Nope,” said Apodice.

JIM TAKES OVER

“I think you’re not telling the story right, or maybe just losing steam,” said Jim Customer, Apodice’s research partner. “What happened is that we knew we had bumped into something. Which I guess you said. And we brought it in with the arms. But the something we brought in was nothing. I guess you said that, too. But the thing you left out was that it was nothing but something because it was invisible.”

More than invisible: it was an invisible Bible.

“We poured a substance on it and it became visible,” said Customer. “And it was incredible. It wasn’t the human Bible we all know and love. This was some kind of alien Bible, with more than seventy commandments, none of which are comprehensible to human intelligence. All we could do was read the stories, which were fascinating.”

JILL IS BACK

Apodice, suddenly animated, began to retell assorted stories from the invisible underwater alien Bible. “There’s one about a being who comes to a precipice and begins to sing!” she said. “There’s another about a family in which no one knows each other. There’s another about a store that sells masks but only masks that are identical to the faces of the people buying them. I think that the book, all told, really upholds moral living and institutions like marriage. It’s big on the hearth. But what an amazing, amazing document. We are currently trying to determine how it reached the bottom of the ocean.”

Customer, having lost his spotlight, fiddled with knobs on a control panel, and would not say goodbye to the interviewer.

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