HILLARY ON MARS!

SELF-ISOLATING WITH THE MARS ROVER

Where did Hillary go during the virus outbreak? The Weekly World News has exclusive information on her whereabouts.

Hillary Clinton was spotted on Mars reading children’s books to the NASA Mars rover Opportunity. When asked about the unusual storytime, Hillary answered, “I just can’t handle all the craziness on Earth. I feel a lot safer here. And this election season has also been so crazy! It’s so much calmer and serene on Mars.”

Hillary arrived on Mars on March 9th. She didn’t realize that Opportunity was declared inoperable on February 13, 2019. She tried to restart the rover herself during a night cycle, but it didn’t work.

Hillary was unfazed by her failure to get the rover going. “Story of my life. I make a long journey, and then things just don’t work the way they should.”  She then tried to start it again.

Weekly World News encouraged Hillary go give up, point out that NASA deemed the rover permanently inoperable.

“She isn’t inoperable!” Laughed Hillary wildly. “She is tired of being bossed around by a bunch of scientists that can’t respect her personal boundaries! She just put a block on NASA”s number. ‘Ghosting’ is what I think the kids call it?”

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR HILLARY?

When asked about her nonparticipation in this year’s important presidential election, Hillary seemed disinterested. But when she asked why she wasn’t assisting the Democratic party, her response was sharper. She was full of more venom than we expected. 

“Bernie can take it out to a cornfield and sit on it! I wouldn’t help that pathetic excuse for a Larry David look-alike if he needed a tissue for his ugly, drippy, alcoholic nose!”

The Weekly World News asked what was on the horizon for Hillary politically now that she has removed herself from the limelight, and the planet.

“I’m getting tons of stuff done with Georgina (Mars rover Opportunity). We are doing so much here on Mars. I am working on talking her into being my running mate when I announce my intentions for 2028. She loves children’s stories. They remind her of a simpler time in her life. I want to bring that innocence to the White House.”

Mrs. Clinton will be 80 in 2028. The Mars rover Opportunity (Georgina) will be 24. There may be eligibility questions regarding the age of Opportunity.