EARTH IS FLAT AND ROUND!

Astronomers announce a major discovery that will change how we all view the universe!

SAN DIEGO, CA – Astronomers from California Institute of Technology working at the powerful Palomar Observatory have made a major discovery. It finally puts to bed the theory that the Earth is flat – at all times. The truth is that the earth is a living organism that vacillates between a flat appearance and a spherical appearance.

This could be the greatest discovery since Copernicus placed the Sun at the center of the Universe.

The Flat Earth Theory

Members of the Flat Earth Society claim to believe the Earth is flat. Walking around on the planet’s surface, it looks and feels flat, so they feel that all other evidence is part of a “round Earth conspiracy” orchestrated by world governments and led by NASA.

Most people believe that the Earth is round (spherical). But a paper released by astronomers, Dr. Sasha de Andrade and Dr. Hyman Gulman reveal that the Earth does not have a static shape.

“Hyman and I have spent the last 30 years looking at the data from the International Space Station and pictures of the Earth taken by the Hubble Telescope,” Dr. de Andrade told Weekly World News. “We have gone over our calculations hundreds of time and we are confident in our conclusion that the Earth is constantly fluctuating between being flat and being round.”

“What happens is that when the solar tides are out, the Earth collapses to be more ‘flat.” And when the solar tides are in, then the Earth expands and has a round look,” said Dr. Gulman. “It makes sense that the Earth is not fixed in its shape. Much like humans, Earth breathes. When it exhales it appears to be round, when it inhales it appears to be flat.”

Dr. deAndrade and Dr. Gulman at work.

THE ALTERNATE VIEWPOINT

“That is a bunch of baloney,” said Dr. Sergei Volonko from the Roscomos, the Russian federal space authority. “The earth is round all the time. Period. End of the story.”

When Dr. Volonko was asked to explain why he feels the Earth is always round, he told Weekly World News. “Enough with the conspiracy theories! There are buckets of evidence proving the earth is round! The earth is flat only for those who have very low IQs,” Volonko said.

“He did not answer your question,” said Dr. de Andrade when we told her about Dr. Volonko. “That’s the response we have been getting. We have been ostracized because of our research. But we stand by it. Nobody can disprove our theory. Not one scientist.”

Dr. de Andrade and Dr. Gulman are writing a book that will explain the shape of Earth to “everyone in the world.” Dr. de Andrade added, “When citizens of this world read our research, they will feel the excitement that we have felt over the last year. The changing shape of Earth will go a long way to explain natural phenomena like earthquakes and volcanoes, but all sorts of atmospheric changes. Once we understand how it works, the world will enter into a Golden Age. Our discovery will improve the lives of every person on our planet.”

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