WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Congress and The President of the United States have finally agreed on one thing – Ph.D. Ape is the only one who can bring the country together during the Impeachment crisis.
This week the House of Representatives voted to officially authorize an impeachment inquiry. The Democrats in the House called it a “sad day”, while President Trump continued to call it a “witch hunt.” No Republicans voted for the Impeachment inquiry, while only 2 Democrats voted against it. The bottom line: the divided between Republicans and Democrats is growing wider by the day. The chasm is bigger than the Grand Canyon – this according to multiple sources in the Congress.
WHAT CAN BE DONE?
Many in Washington are tired of partisan politics and want to see the country come together. So members of both parties went to McLean, Virginia to find the smartest political mind in the country — Phl.Dd Ape. Most politicians (and American citizens) feel that Ph.D. Ape is the only being that can heal our country.
Ph.D. Ape has been in seclusion for the last ten years. He’s been working on his memoirs, detailing his life as a one of the world’s greatest philosophers, a university professor and one of the most in-demand speakers the world has ever known.
Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi agreed to go to Ph.D. Ape’s house in Mclean and try to convince him to come out of retirement and try to broker some kind of peace deal between Republicans and Democrats.
THE BIG SITDOWN
Ph.D. Ape was not impressed with either Pelosi or McConnell, but he has been following national politics and is concerned by the direction the country is going. He made a stunning announcement that brought cheers across DC, Ph.D. Ape has agreed to do his best to bring the parties together – and try to solve the impeachment crisis facing our country.
Ph.D. Ape gave attended a press conference with Democratic leaders and said that he would work with them to find a solution to the impeachment crisis that would make all Americans happy.
He also met with Donald Trump, who is not happy at all about impeachment but is willing to let Ph.D. serve as an arbitrator between the White House and Congressional Democrats.
Across the country, many are holding their breath – hopeful that PhD Ape can bring some sanity to Washington, but fearful that the parties are just too divided to heal.
Ph.D. Ape appeared before Congress to tell them about his plans. He will be listening to both parties for the next week, then traveling the country to find out what Americans really want.
Can Ph.D. Ape save America? Weekly World News will be following him closely to find out.