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Nude Women to Protect San Francisco

SAN FRANCISCO — The Golden Gate Bridge is one of the most recognizable and economically vital spans in the nation. So it was not surprising when the U.S. Office of Homeland Security (OHS) discovered the bridge listed on a terrorist memo of potential targets.

However, working with the San Francisco Police Department, the OHS has devised a plan to keep the bridge safe.
“We’ve hired 25 young, beautiful women willing to remove all their clothing and station themselves at strategic points on and approaching the bridge,” explained San Francisco Police Public Information Officer Bruce Onder.
“Hopefully, that will keep religious radicals from coming near the structure.”
According to Dr. Henry Chilvers, Professor Emeritus of Religion and Morality at the University of Sprituality in Sacramento, “Many orthodox faiths demand that a woman cover herself completely, excluding the face and hands, from men except her husband. Most religious zealots who would harm our nation are youths who have not seen one naked woman, let alone many. The shock, shame or simple eye-popping spectacle is going to make them do a U-turn pretty quickly. Or else drive into the bay, which is just as good.”
Operation Bust Attacks, as the project has been named, is scheduled to begin within the next two weeks. Are any problems anticipated?
“Oh, we imagine we’ll get some complaints from the Religious Right and from parents of small children,” responded Onder. “But it’s the ‘new normal’ so they’ll just have to cover some eyes and deal with it.”
If Operation Bust Attacks is a success, arrangements will immediately be made to have naked women stationed at the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore, the Alamo and Independence Hall.
Expressing the OHS sentiments in a remark that is sure to live alongside Sherman’s “War is Hell” and MacArthur’s “I shall return,” Onder commented, “If the enemy wants to fight dirty, we’ll give ’em dirty.”

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17 thoughts on “Nude Women to Protect San Francisco”

  1. I feel safer already, and I actually believe this is a true story-great job, your journalism is really outstanding, I don't understand why people think your full of it and are not reputable…hmmm. Again, I'm very impressed with the honesty and integrity of your stories.

  2. It's not enough that they have nude women to protect the Golden Gate Bridge, but the one in the picture is clearly 500 feet tall. She would be more helpful abroad (pun intended). We need to send her to Afganistan to stomp the Taliban into a pulpy paste. I bet her stomach growls at the thought of "toast with Taliban spread"

  3. wat kind of info do yall give its not even accurate all is a lie wat da hell if i want to her lies then i can just read this stupid idiotic website!! terrorists my ass yall just keep on living that and yall will go a far far way dont you think if yall want to do something then do something dat does not involve lies

  4. I personally live in the Bay Area and frequently cross the Bay Bridge and just recently battled a huge traffic jam due to Naked Women on the Bay Bridge.
    They must have been doing a Fire Drill…lol
    Oooo Too Hot … Sizzle.

  5. Besides giving additional allowance, companies should also consider giving additional day offs. I guess shift workers will appreciate a time off more than extra money itself.

  6. I rarely leave responses, however after looking at some of the responses on
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  7. They'd probably be able to talk the suicide jumpers into not jumping. A cop telling me: It's worth it, you have everything to live for.." isn't quite effective as a nude lady just saying nothing & beckoning me with her finger.


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