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ALLISON WILLIAMS WINS LAWSUIT

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CLARKSBURG, WV – Former Miss West Virginia Allison Williams was awarded $7.2 million after pornography companies claimed to distribute a video featuring her. But now these same companies are suing her for defamation!

Allison Williams was 2003’s Miss West Virginia. She went on to study at the West Virginia University College of Law, where, while searching for articles, stumbled upon a number of websites purporting to sell a pornographic video of her. Williams has spent the last five years fighting these companies in court, and finally won.

But this morning, the guilty defendants have now counter-sued Williams, saying their companies have been dragged through the mud unnecessarily.

At an impromptu press conference outside the court house, Tommy “The Bone” Fatone of Sinful Angels, LLC stated, “Ya know, I think I speak for all of us when I say, we’re trying to make an honest living, just like every other American these days. For Miss Williams to say those things about our companies, well… it’s just wrong!”

“We created a classy production. The video wasn’t shot in the back of a truck, it was a new state-of-the-art stretched Hummer. There was candles, there was silk linens, there was some of that nice soft jazz on the car stereo. Did you know that? Huh?”

Fatone’s speech was punctuated by exclamations of “That’s right!” and “You tell him, Tommy!” from the other defendants.

Fatone continued, “But you woulda never known that, ’cause the media’s always gotta side against the ‘dirty porn purveyors’. We are good businessmen: we pay our taxes, give our staff free ‘marital aids’, donate money to retarded kids charities. And we provide a service that is well needed during these bad times. It really brings a tear to my eye over how disrespected we are.”

The company owners began sniffling and putting their arms around each other in consolation. This went on for twelve seconds before they began cat calling the Honorable Irene M. Keeley as she walked by.

The defendants are not expected to win their case.

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