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Now I know making fun of Nancy Pelosi is like shooting fish in a barrel – but don’t go knocking that, my friends! You haven’t lived until you’ve emptied your Mossberg Persuader into a keg full of upstate pickerel!

Nancy Pelosi’s the third in line for the Presidency, which is almost as scary as Iran’s Achmed Dirtybad getting his own nukes! I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be such a hotshot, though. She’s in big trouble over this waterboarding thing.

I’m not saying she’s lying, but next time she visits her plastic surgeon, he might wanna shave down that Pinnochio nose of hers!

(Is all that stuff in her face biodegradable, anyway? I say Nancy Pelosi’s bad for the environment!)

Pelosi seems pretty mixed up about what the CIA told her about torture. Of course, it’s easy to see why: what some folks call “torture”, Pelosi’s pals in San Francisco just call “Saturday night”!

Pelosi really lost it on tv yesterday, getting all mixed up and waving her arms around and saying stuff like, “I was not briefed on what was in that briefing!”

I thought her face was finally about to fall off and show us all the wires and sparkplugs underneath! She cleared her throat so much I thought SHE was being waterboarded.

Pelosi was always mad at Bush and Cheney for “torturing” people, but the one’s really being tortured are all the Americans who have to listen to her robot voice coming out of her plastic mug every night on the news.

Nancy Pinnochio is a wimp! Her crappy book sold about five copies – but at least it had a spine!