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NASRALLAH FISH


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JERUSALEM – A fish invading the shores of Israel has been nicknamed after Hezbollah’s leader!

The fish was unknown to Israeli scientists until 2001, when they began to arrive in droves through the Suez Canal from the Red Sea. Now the country’s coasts are overrun!

“They’ve had a population explosion,” said Dani Golani of Hebrew University. “They are producing more offspring than the environment can handle.”

Israelis soon found a suitable name for the problematic species. “They are so dangerous, one sting can kill a person or leave them paralyzed for weeks,” said Moti Mendelson, a marine researcher. “There are many of them – like Hezbollah soldiers.”

Hezbollah are the Shi’a militia in Lebanon, who first emerged in 1982 during the Israeli invasion. Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah responded to the fish’s naming, stating:

“Israeli researchers surprisingly call this fish handsome and cute, apparently they think it about me. But if I have poison – I am ready to sting. We are all ready to sting the occupying enemy who occupies our land and take our saints.”

Unfortunately for Lebanese citizens, the fish are likely to be moving into their waters as well. What will it be called then?