FOSTER CITY,CA – Sony throws in the towel on fixing the Playstation Network.
“I can’t handle the pressure” and “For the love of God someone please help us!” are echoed throughout the halls of Sony headquarters in Foster City.
PlayStation Network (PSN) was turned off April 20 in the wake of an “external intrusion”. No one thought that it would be the day the network died. Now almost a week later, Sony has finally called it quits.
The PSN used to offer great streaming content where users could purchase or rent movies and television programs directly from Sony as well as allowed access to streaming content from great apps including Hulu Plus, Netflix, Vudu, and Music Unlimited. Not to mention that PSN also offered a variety of online content for many popular games. But those are the days of yore.
Games like Mad Blocker Alpha were supposed to launch this week for sale on PSN but clearly that did not take place. As a result of this flub and several like it, Sony is now racking up debt and executives at Sony have decided to put the hammer down on this money pit of a problem.
“We give up! We invite anyone who thinks that they can fix this to fill out job applications for Sony and immediately FedEx them to us,” said a junior level executive who wished to remain anonymous.
Two programmers have reportedly died while trying to fix the problem. Their deaths were similar in manner to the way that the children of Korea who live, eat, and play in internet cafés often die whilst playing World of Warcraft.
“We can’t take this anymore! No one else needs to die over this,” said a junior level programmer.
Those who think that they can fix this problem should stop reading this article and immediately send their resume to Sony. To apply for a job with Sony, go to http://us.playstation.com/corporate/about/careers/ and apply. Apply to any job, it really doesn’t matter. If you have any idea that might fix this problem, they will take you. They will take whoever they can get now. They are really desperate. Just make sure to tell them that good ol’ Pierce Blodyn sent you.
http://us.playstation.com/support/answer/index.ht…
[...] More on the playstation network outage here [...]
fag microsoft fan boys fuk ya
check this link out http://us.playstation.com/support/answer/index.ht…
Wow, you really showed em. Considering that 360 has never had an outage like this or had Credit Card info compromised twice.
Also, this issue is nonexistant. Joke website.
it funny because people are dieing. Reminds me of a satire of eating the baby.
http://us.playstation.com/support/answer/index.ht…
Sony should be disgusted in themselves. This is embarrassing for anyone of any size let alone a massive corporation like this.
This is bunch of “BS..!” I want my freaken money back….!!!!!!!! I guess some of my co-worker rite… Playstation suck…!
i think that sony should relly fix this i play clll of duty black ops all the time
i think they should fix this i want to play call of duty black ops
:~> weeklyworldnews.com always tell lies!!!! 3rd time i'm getting bad info!!
i hope they can do this
Sony had no control over the content of the video chat sessions that went on, on their network. Children were video chatting in unsupervised rooms/sessions, trading passwords to pay services., showing nudity, ect. Someone needs to blow the whistle on their poor supervision of areas they provided for our kids!
This can be controled by the master account. So if you don’t trust your kid or their friends block chat. This will also limit them from talking on head-sets
I'd watch Fox News than to here this bull crap. C'mon, giving up? I wonder what you all said about our Black President
Our black president is a low down //1663r.
I dont know what they said, but I say hes a dirty filthy //1663!2.
Hear. Also, this is a joke website. GET OVER IT.
The fact you added "Black" to "President" makes your comment invalid anyway.
Obama could be as black as he wants, that doesn't change him being a horrible President.
its the weekly world news you dumb rubes. you people think the onion is real too?
It is fake Sony doesn't give up and nobody died and that the Hacker is going to die! Hey all PSN USERS let support PSN!
I really hope they are giving up but I don't think thats the case.
get a life why the hell would you want to hack a system cause you cant play the way its made where do you even find the time to do this just play the game the way its made and stop cryin i hope you get caught
Pierce you are an ignorant moron for writing these lies. PSN is expected to be back up in a week. Go check the Sony website before writing a bunch of crap online that you obviously know nothing about.
Wow, everyone pint and laugh!
Definitely a publicity stunt to get more people to fix the problem in a faster amount of time. I support PSN all the way. I’m sure no one has died over fixing the problem. Im sticking with PSN. I have patience. As for other gamers, I’m sorry you’re all suffering but this is healthy for you guys. I’m not saying it’s good but other activities exist other than playing online 24/7.
wonder how many people went out and bout an x box cause they couldnt stand not playing
get this fakee azz website atta hea ps3^^^^ yuheardd!!
hahahaha very funny was hella scared AT FIRST but thank god t ant true no one can beat sony they are huge just like my cock go sony and the PSN ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This is a ear-ringing shout for those sleeping system administrators. Too bad for Sony's sales I do hope they can catch the culprit as soon as possible. Look forward from this update.
hilarious how people don't realize this is a satire website and are taking it seriously.
High five?
*Reaches up hand*
Idiots and fools. Do you think Sony will do that?????????????????????????????
Downrate for too many "????"s.
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