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PLAYSTATION NETWORK DOWN: SONY GIVES UP!

FOSTER CITY,CA – Sony throws in the towel on fixing the Playstation Network.

“I can’t handle the pressure” and “For the love of God someone please help us!” are echoed throughout the halls of Sony headquarters in Foster City.

PlayStation Network (PSN) was turned off April 20 in the wake of an “external intrusion”. No one thought that it would be the day the network died. Now almost a week later, Sony has finally called it quits.

The PSN used to offer great streaming content where users could purchase or rent movies and television programs directly from Sony as well as allowed access to streaming content from great apps including Hulu Plus, Netflix, Vudu, and Music Unlimited. Not to mention that PSN also offered a variety of online content for many popular games. But those are the days of yore.

Games like Mad Blocker Alpha were supposed to launch this week for sale on PSN but clearly that did not take place. As a result of this flub and several like it, Sony is now racking up debt and executives at Sony have decided to put the hammer down on this money pit of a problem.

“We give up! We invite anyone who thinks that they can fix this to fill out job applications for Sony and immediately FedEx them to us,” said a junior level executive who wished to remain anonymous.

Two programmers have reportedly died while trying to fix the problem. Their deaths were similar in manner to the way that the children of Korea who live, eat, and play in internet cafés often die whilst playing World of Warcraft.

“We can’t take this anymore! No one else needs to die over this,” said a junior level programmer.

Those who think that they can fix this problem should stop reading this article and immediately send their resume to Sony. To apply for a job with Sony, go to http://us.playstation.com/corporate/about/careers/ and apply. Apply to any job, it really doesn’t matter. If you have any idea that might fix this problem, they will take you. They will take whoever they can get now. They are really desperate. Just make sure to tell them that good ol’ Pierce Blodyn sent you.

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86 thoughts on “PLAYSTATION NETWORK DOWN: SONY GIVES UP!”

  1. That's F*CKING hilarious. I would like my money back for the system and every multiplayer game "all of them" that i have bought. Make that check out to cash. oh yeah… first…

    Reply
  2. ok this is totaly biased! sony has NOT given up on it! they are working day and night tirelessly to fix the issue. dont talk about something if you dont even know what youre talking about

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    • they may not have given up but they might as well. it's been days. it's like you keep buying car insurance for a car you don't drive. or a cell phone you never use b/c you have another one. you have it for when you need it "just in case" but it's pointless.

  3. Dude are u f***in serious I know y'all ain't givin up just like that how could y'all man all the people and all the pros wtf dude well what ever then man I should of just got an xbox or a wii its pretty sad that y'all are givin up like this over a few comments smfh

    Reply
  4. Is this real???
    there is no way they will give up!!! at least i belive so
    my onl game :((((((((
    there is only one way, create a new network =))))))))))
    about the old one, no idea, they lost it, so only mastermind can get it back

    Reply
  5. Wow what the f*** what are gamers going to do most people bye the system for online well when its down none can do any thing lol Sony is a complete and total joke find a different day job you dont know how to run any thing

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  6. And aint nobody damn die how is someone gonna die tryin to fix the psn thats just a bunch of bs yall just dont know how to fix the network why do you even work there

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  7. I'll 2nd that refund check for all the money that I have spent on this system, all the games to play online, and go buy an Xbox!

    Reply
  8. This about the biggest lie I have ever heard. Honestly people need to think, a large corporation like sony wouldn't give up this easily; not to mention the playstation network runs more than just the playstation store: it also runs all online gaming. If something like black ops on ps3 didn't even have online gaming Sony would lose significant profit from all online games. I'm not going to play $60 for a campaign and split screen zombies. People would go and buy xbox'es on the dime and ps3 would be as worth as much as a gameboy. I know for a fact that's not what the email I received from Sony told me. If anything this a minor delay to build up security so we can enjoy the service that we all love.

    Reply
  9. Wow I'm actually laughing at this. I don't believe one bit of it. Its hard to believe sony would just call it quits with their online services after years of online play. They have had their occasional instances where the network had been down and they have been able to bring it back up. But for them just to simply "give up" on rebuilding their system after this, is just ridiculous and childish. And for the stress I'm sure its pretty heavy on the workers but doubt anyone would die because of it. I'm a die hard playstation fan ever since the original ps1. Never will I give up on sony. I do occasionally play on xbox at friends houses and I even bought one last summer but quickly took it back cause it just didn't seem right for me to give up on sony so I still proudly play on the ps3 online and off. It shouldn't be so much of a dilemma that people can't play online for a few weeks. The weathers starting to get nice and the grass is getting green outside so I have no problem getting out and doing something instead of playing online like everyone else seems to be. No offense to the handicap people intended. Yes I have a job and I am graduated in 09 and like to play online almost every night in the winter and summer nights. But I don't let games stop my life when I can't pay online anymore.i suggest you guys do the same every now and then.

    Reply
  10. This article is nothing but full of BS no one died and they would not give up on the network because thats too many people to piss off.

    Reply
  11. :~> weeklyworldnews.com always tell lies!!!! 3rd time i'm getting bad info!!
    i'm makin an add about this sh*t and post it to the moderator of thepiratebay he will do anythin i ask becuase i'm an vip member and support TPB!!

    Reply
  12. Haha really that's sad…. Such a stir and Sony is possibly doing this for the publicity and therefore maybe even gaining money cuz of it

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  13. I never hard of nothing like this b4 in my life….. my original pong game still works!!!!!! hahahahahahaha… Sony pls dont go out like this. This is the end of an era ppl, remember it well. RIP PSN.. i guess the new network will be PSN 2.0 good luck sony. Oh how do i get a refund for my downloadedgames i cant use ne more.

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  14. i think this is real..they cant fix it.. just go to some friends house like the good old days..you watch,,xbox and wii will be down next,,2012 is coming early

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  15. Sony should be disgusted in themselves. This is embarrassing for anyone of any size let alone a massive corporation like this.

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  16. This is bunch of "BS..!" I want my freaken money back….!!!!!!!! I guess some of my co-worker rite… Playstation suck…!

    Reply
  17. Sony had no control over the content of the video chat sessions that went on, on their network. Children were video chatting in unsupervised rooms/sessions, trading passwords to pay services., showing nudity, ect. Someone needs to blow the whistle on their poor supervision of areas they provided for our kids!

    Reply
  18. It is fake Sony doesn't give up and nobody died and that the Hacker is going to die! Hey all PSN USERS let support PSN!

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  19. get a life why the hell would you want to hack a system cause you cant play the way its made where do you even find the time to do this just play the game the way its made and stop cryin i hope you get caught

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  20. Pierce you are an ignorant moron for writing these lies. PSN is expected to be back up in a week. Go check the Sony website before writing a bunch of crap online that you obviously know nothing about.

    Reply
  21. Definitely a publicity stunt to get more people to fix the problem in a faster amount of time. I support PSN all the way. I'm sure no one has died over fixing the problem. Im sticking with PSN. I have patience. As for other gamers, I'm sorry you're all suffering but this is healthy for you guys. I'm not saying it's good but other activities exist other than playing online 24/7.

    Reply
  22. hahahaha very funny was hella scared AT FIRST but thank god t ant true no one can beat sony they are huge just like my cock go sony and the PSN ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  23. Wow, you really showed em. Considering that 360 has never had an outage like this or had Credit Card info compromised twice.

    Reply
  24. This can be controled by the master account. So if you don't trust your kid or their friends block chat. This will also limit them from talking on head-sets

    Reply
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