LONDON – Susan Boyle lost “Britain’s Got Talent” this weekend, sparking riots across the UK.
This Saturday on the season finale of “Britain’s Got Talent”, crowd favorite Susan Boyle took second place to London based dance troupe Diversity.
Susan Boyle shot to international fame when the humble singer wowed audiences with her vocal power. The 47-year-old who has never been kissed became an instant hero to rural people.
Shortly after the decision was announced, devoted fans across the United Kingdom broke out in violence.
Ornate and whimsical teapots were smashed in rage as news spread of Boyle’s defeat. Residents of small villages, who saw Boyle as one of their own, were the hardest hit when she lost the competition. Surrey called in the British National Defense Force when suburban families took to the streets in anger. Riot police had to use tear gas on a group of 4000 middle aged people wearing mostly tweed.
Residents of North Berkshire burned the local BBC building to the ground. Effigies of the Diversity troupe were burned in the Lincoln town square. In Boyle’s hometown of Blackburn Scotland members of her parish church stripped naked and painted themselves blue before going into a violent rage that left 3 dozen English soccer hooligans begging for mercy.
Susan Boyle has since been hospitalized from the stress of the weekend’s events. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, thankful to have something to distract people from his own current scandal, has said a formal recount will be requested in the interest of national security.