BEIJING – China is plotting to blow up the moon.
China has embarked on a bold plan to control the world’s weather patterns – and it begins with blowing up the moon with nuclear space missiles.
Wiping out the moon, will affect the United States the most, ushering in brutal temperatures that would ruin our agriculture, experts say.
The wild-sounding Chinese scheme was suggested by five scientists last year at the Chinese Government’s National Scientific Forum. Hu Jintao dismissed the idea outright, but they presented it again this year and after looking at the overall benefit to the China, Jintao has given the idea the green light.
Chinese astrophysicist, Chan Wang, that the moon’s strong gravitational pull gives the Earth an awkward tilt that causes unfavorable weather patterns over China and favors the United States. “The United States has benefited from the gravitational forces of the Moon. We just intend to level the playing field,” said Wang.
The Chinese government said that it would consult with the Obama Administration before sending their nuclear warships to take out the moon. “We want the whole world to be aware of what we are doing. We think that in the long run, everyone will benefit from the destruction of the moon,” said a high-ranking Chinese government official.
But NASA officials reviewed the data carefully and feel strongly that the destruction of the moon would bring catastrophic changes to the earth and are strongly advising the Obama Administration to do everything in their power to stop it.
“We are reviewing both sides of the argument,” said White House Senior Adviser David Axelrod. “The fact is China is offering to forgive our entire debt if we allow them to blow up the moon. It could be a real economic boon for our country.”
“Who needs the moon?” added Robert Gibbs, White House Press Secretary. “It affects the tides and it’s good for lighting the nighttime sky, and poets seem to love it, but we don’t really need it.”
Hu Jinato will be in Washington next week to discuss this issue directly with President Obama. “But we’re going to blow it up no matter what. We don’t need America’s approval,” said Wang.
So, enjoy the moon while you can…