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IS YOUR COLLEGE CLASSMATE AN ALIEN?


students

PHOENIX, AZ – With the beginning of another school-year approaching, it’s been reported that space aliens have enrolled in local colleges and universities. However, we can learn to spot these creatures with help from leading expert Dr. Karl Bauer.

Bauer explains, “By learning to see through their disguises, we’ll be able to track their movements and make sure their intentions are honorable.”

Whether or not these alien’s motives are evil in nature is still in question, but Dr. Bauer remains rather conflicted:  “We know for a fact that thousands of them have arrived on Earth over the past few years. They have enrolled in colleges and universities in order to learn more about mankind and our culture. I’m not in a poition to say whether that is good or bad.”

How can YOU identify extraterrestrials on your campus? Dr. Bauer has compiled a list of traits and quirks that may give away an alien visitor:

  • Mismatched clothing. Aliens have little to no understanding of human fashion. They might wear tuxedos with a bathing suit, socks of different colors — or striped skirts with paisley blouses.
  • Bizarre eating habits. Aliens may try to eat soup or peas with a knife or guzzle poisionous liquids like ammonia or kerosene.
  • Flawed sense of humor. E.T.’s are notorious for telling jokes that no one understands.  They also tell the same bad jokes over and over.
  • Fear or hatred of music. Aliens often find Earth music shrill or difficult to understand. They won’t hesitate to turn off a radio — even when it doesn’t belong to them.
  • Misuse of telephones. Though it’s not clear why, aliens often answer phones that aren’t ringing — or continue to hold the handset to their ears hours after they party they were talking to has hung up.
  • Unwarranted fascination with machines. Space aliens may spend hours staring at a clock or watch — or stare in stunned silence at a children’s toy gyroscope.