So now the government says air is bad for you! It’s true: some bunch of suits and pencil pushers just said we’re polluting the air every time we breathe.
I used to joke about the day the government would start to tax breathing, but I was just kidding!
Now don’t panic: the bad air is only the kind we breathe OUT. It’s still ok to breathe IN – so far!
At first I thought they were talking about that gas that comes out of the car, that you use when you want to kill yourself in the garage. Now THAT’S dangerous. But they’re talking about the other kind of carbon whatside – the air that’s always been around!
I thought if something was “natural” it was good. Isn’t that what the hippies have been telling us since the 60s?
This all has something to do with those “greenhouse gases” again. Have you ever been inside a greenhouse? Everything grows in there! What’s wrong with that? I just don’t understand all this crap!
Anyway, when it comes to some people, breathing out IS pollution? Have you ever been stuck standing next to a Greek guy or drunken Irishman or some other foreigner who won’t shut up? Their breath could kill somebody!
Does this mean if that guy next to you at work has coffee breath, you get to sue for being stuck in a dangerous workplace? The lawyers will love this!
The only thing that’s still free and legal is taking a crap – but just you wait: the days when they’ll put a government poop meter on your toilet is coming, America! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

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