BRIDGET KEENEY

WASHINGTON, DC – Another sex scandal has rocked a South Carolina conservative.  The trail of evidence has led reporters to erotic fiction authored by Dick Cheney.
Kristin Maguire, a respected South Carolina conservative, has been discovered to be the author of hardcore erotic short fiction.  Maguire was the Chair of the Board of Education for years, and appointed by Mark Sanford.  Investigation has uncovered several stories written by Maguire under the pen name “Bridget Keeney.”  Maguire was also a devout advocate of “abstinence only” sex education.
Further investigation of websites Maguire would frequent and chat room exchanges reveal even more erotic fiction, written by former Vice President Dick Cheney.  While in office, evidence reveals, Mr. Cheney would often engage in writing erotic stories with strong Conservative overtones.  On the website the two called their work “Conserv-erotica.”  A sample of Dick Cheney’s work is shown below.

Slowly she bent down to pick up the spent shell casing.
“I told you, I cannot die.”
“Mr. Vice President, I don’t understand-”  Abigail’s hands were shaking, but not from fear.
“Yes you do.”  Already the Vice President’s wounds were healing.  Small pieces of buckshot fell to the ground and his face quickly regained its boyish handsomeness.  The only evidence of the accident was a small drop of blood on his cheek.  When he licked it up the Chief of Staff saw for the first time his fangs.  They shined like ivory in the dim light.
“There’s no power in the world that can stop us.  And we’ll protect America by any means necessary.  Tomorrow we take the fight to the terrorists.”
“Mr. Vice President-”
“Don’t speak.”  The Vice President took his chief of staff in his arms and kissed her deeply.  Tasting a hint of blood Abigail gave in to her passions and took out her gun.  Each recoil sent shivers of excitement through her body as she repeatedly shot her immortal lover in the face.
These literary forays were likely a precursor to Cheney’s upcoming memoirs.  In chat rooms he and Maguire mused about publishing their works together under the title “Conserv-erotica:  God-fearing Erotic Fiction from America’s Heartland.”