WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama has invited James Crowley and Henry Louis Gates to the White House to reconcile over beers. White House staff are preparing for a late night bender.
To help ease the tension brought over the unjust treatment of Professor Henry Louis Gates by the Cambridge police the President has invited them over to share beers and discuss their problems on Thursday.   White House veterans realize that in order for the men to be able to discuss their feelings they will first need to get hammered drunk.  In preparation staff are preparing entertainment and “drunk proofing” the residential wing.
White House bowling lanes will be temporarily provided with dart boards, pool tables, and a karaoke machine.  The dart board is the same historic board that was present when George Washington and John Adams needed to get drunk and “hug it out” over a dispute regarding federal tariff laws.  Reports that the billiard table was the site of conjugal activity between President Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe have been scientifically disproven, although those findings are already being disputed.  The karaoke machine has been loaded with the entire Marvin Gaye discography so President Obama can get the ball rolling with his standard “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love.”
Veteran staff members are enacting a decades old strategy for “drunk-proofing” the White House.  The China Room will be emptied and all contents put into storage in a secret bunker.  Secret Service officials will attempt to contain the revelers in designated ‘Party Zones’ which have no security cameras and stain resistant rugs.  The Bush Bathroom is contained within this zone, and has a waterproof poly-vinyl chez lounge next to the toilet.  Should the attendees go too far in their revelry secret service agents are well trained in all areas of ‘drunk-sitting.’
Due to the Manly nature of the evening, the kitchen is preparing a wide assortment of various pizza roles, pretzels, peanuts, and chicken wings.  The Presidential Theater has also been prepared with copies of the entire Lethal Weapon franchise.
“Hopefully” says Press Secretary Robert Gibbs “this evening can bring some real healing to both parties involved.”

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  1. Why do you say "unjust treatment of Professor Gate"? That is a very one-sided comment. Sgt. Crowley acted for his own safety and Gates flew off the handle – I think Crowley was the one unjustly treated.

  2. If Obama had kept his big, uninformed mouth shut this would not have been the problem that is has been blown out to be.

  3. I agree with ALL the above. There has NEVER been a president of our glorious country that has shown SO much disrespect for the office he holds that he gets personally involved with such a minor dispute and then has both gates and the officer to the White House (of all places) for a beer? The white House has been the home for MANY great and respected presidents who have had a great concern for ALL the citizens of the U.S.A. no matter what color or religion etc. I really like the idea that he has the gaul to show our children that one of the best ways to solve a dispute no matter how serious it is (this one reached the white house) is with beer., as if he hasn;t had enough serious problems internationally to deal with,

  4. All I can say is how disrespectful is it when your president has to solve a little situation ,he shouldn't have been involved with at all with a beer. Lets show our kids the wrong way to do things by "lets go have a beer! in the white house ??????

  5. The white house surely doesn't need a uninformed butinski of a pres. to get involved with something he wasn't even totally informed about, and then showing our nations kids the best way to solve this kind of thing is over a BEER ????

  6. The situation is typical of the way blacks have always been treated in America. I'm sure that when the officer say Mr. Gates he could tell that he was not a burgular. As far as having a beer at the White House, I'm sure the past Presidents have done a lot worse things behind closed doors. I took this as a gester to improve relations not to promote alcohol.

  7. Rick get real…
    What do you base the comment that this is the way that all blacks have been treated in America
    and, you are sure what Officer could tell about Gates. If this is the way to improve relations, Ouch, What a way…….


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