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CAUSE OF HUDSON RIVER PLANE CRASH

flyingspaghettimonster

NEW YORK, NY – US Airways flight 1549 made an emergency water landing in the Hudson River just after 3:30pm yesterday afternoon. Initial reports suggesting the plane struck a flock of geese have been dismissed with the discovery of new evidence confirming that the plane struck and killed the religious icon Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Just minutes after take off from Laguardia Airport, passengers felt a hard bump, and several saw noodles fly by their windows.  Esther Rossdale, 63, saw what she described as “a large meatball caught in the engine.  Lord a’mighty I thought I was hallucinatin’!”

Eyewitnesses from Manhattan’s west side confirm seeing the Flying Spaghetti Monster, most likely responding to someone’s prayers in the financial district, crashed into the front window.

Pilot Chelsey Sullenberger altered the planes course and brought it down for a smooth water landing in the river that separates New York and New Jersey.  For the first time in commercial aviation, no casualties were reported from a water landing.  Passengers stood on the wings, quietly munching on spaghetti while waiting for emergency services.

At first, rescue crews thought the crash was brought on by a bird strike, most likely geese getting caught in an engine.  But when they arrived, the safety investigative crews began finding various types of noodles and meatballs caught in the intake and eventually the body in the window, confirming eyewitness reports.

Some have wondered if Sullenberger’s near miraculous landing was made possible by a last act of magical intervention from Flying Spaghetti Monster.  However most experts agree that FSM was far too self absorbed for such an act, and he probably died trying to save himself.

No official word yet has been made from religious communities about Flying Spaghetti Monsters demise.  The religious icon was a strong opponent to creationism and intelligent design.  His loss will be mourned in universities and science labs around the world.

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16 thoughts on “CAUSE OF HUDSON RIVER PLANE CRASH”

  1. This article is just lies and blasphemy.
    1) "That picture's been photoshopped". If this ridiculous story was right there WOULD definitely be genuine photographic proof.
    2) The FSM is invisible, so the passengers COULDN'T POSSIBLY HAVE SEEN HIM.
    3) Please ignore that 2 cancels out 1.

    Reply
  2. You people are so stupid. how can you even begin to believe anything so ridiculous. I am just barley a teenager and am smart enough to look at an article like this and immediately regard it as trash.

    Reply
  3. Josh: They were playing along with the joke. They don't believe it.
    Darryl: This website (and its newpaper) are meant to be jokes. You're the dumbass.

    Reply
  4. I can't believe there are actually some people who don't know who the Flying Spaghetti Monster is.
    Also I refuse to believe that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is actually dead. When Christ died upon a cross, did anyone truly believe God was dead?

    Reply
    • Of course the Flying Spaghetti Monster isn't dead! Followers took him away in a large Tupperware container and placed him in a large microwave oven where he was reheated for 3 days and nights. Suddenly a heavenly DING was heard but when followers turned around the Tupperware lid had been moved aside and the microwave was empty!

  5. Either you people really don't get a good laugh often or you really are that stupid.
    yes we all know this isn't true but it's funny and so the whole "this is fake." (stating the otherwise obvious doesn't make you any smarter yet it does help you in the opposite point. It only insults others intelligence.)
    take the stick out of your butt. have some fun!

    Reply
  6. I hate how people are saying that the FSM is fake! These people have not been touched by his noodly appendage.
    I think that FSM was coming back from talking with some of his Apasales when he was hit. Thank the heavens for microwaves!

    —RAmen

    Reply

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