GROUNDHOG DEAD!

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – Punxsutawney Phil was found dead this morning in an apparent suicide.
Sources tell Weekly World News he killed himself after making his prediction.

He did not see his shadow at Gobbler’s Knob today, which indicates an early spring.  But sources confirm Phil was doubting himself for some time.  Terrified of the potential for record-breaking snowfall in February and March, Phil could’t face the possibility that his prediction might be wrong.

Caretakers told  Weekly World News that in recent weeks that Phil, the only true weather forecasting groundhog, was becoming irritable and reclusive. He refused food and consumed only water and a couple of acorns for the last few days.”

He took a turn for the worse in the last few weeks. Phil doubted his abilities and felt he couldn’t uphold the groundhog legend.

“We started giving him Amitriptyline, an anti-anxiety medication for dogs,” said Wanda Willem, his primary caretaker.  “We hoped it would be enough to take the edge off. I’m so sorry we couldn’t do more. He had been seeing a veterinarian psychiatrist and had started to turn things around mentally. This is really just a sad day for the entire Punxsutawney family. Phil didn’t have to go out like this. He abandoned us.”

PHIL’S LEGACY

Phil had one son, Philipo, who is reportedly inconsolable.  However, Philipo promises to be back next February 2nd to fill in for his revered father.

Examiners have not yet released an official cause of death. Toxicology reports will take six to eight weeks.

According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring. Weather experts speculate that the northern hemisphere may be stuck in a “limbo winter” for several years.

Punxsutawney insiders believe Phil feared this would become a brutal winter.  He feared that he might blow his prediction – again.

17 thoughts on “GROUNDHOG DEAD!”

  1. Awww…he wouldn't leave us like that!! Hahahaha…he's got a 39% accuracy rate according to the official weather sites…that's not 1/2 bad 😉

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  2. I was listening to the news this morning, and they said Phil saw his shadow (despite the cloud cover). No mention of a suicide. Why they put this poor creature to all this attention is beyond me.

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  3. The big story here is not the suicide itself, but the fact that groundhogs have evolved to the point that they have the wherewithal to contemplate their own self-awareness, and make the conciseness decision to end it all.

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  4. What????
    Shades of Vince Foster, Grassy Knoll, and "no airliner parts at the Pentagon." There's a coverup here, P-Phil knew the real story about Global Warming, and he couldn't be allowed to waddle around anymore. I just hope we can someday find the truth about what happened, before it is too late.

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  5. you people are a fake news agency ..you make up then wipe out previous news articles —-get out while you can before someone brings you to court over bogus information—-sheesh

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    • WWN is a PARODY news site. Most everyone who comes here knows it's fake.They posted an article just like this last year. Oh, well, at least they did an article on Pippa and Kate Middleton in the Olympic event of Women's Sandcourt Volleyball. That was hilarious!

  6. He's not dead! Punxsutawney Phil is ALIVE! He lives in Woodstock Illinois, under a different identity! His new name is Woodstock Willy!!

    Reply

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