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SHEEPICIDE!

NEW ZEALAND – Due to the earthquake and the unusual cold, Sheep have been leaping to their deaths.

From Auckland to Christchurch the sheep of New Zealand are stressed out, depressed and now… committing suicide.

On September 6th of this year 7.1-magnitude earthquake hit Christchurch, the country’s second-largest city, destroyed about 500 buildings and caused an estimated $1.5 billion in damages.  The earthquake tore open a new 11ft faultine in the Earth’s surface.

In addition, thanks to global cooling, New Zealand has been experiencing its coldest winter since 1875.

Both the earthquake and the intense cold have New Zealand sheep, the pride of the country, stressed out and running toward the cliffs.  They’re are over 1,500 sheep committing suicide a day.

“This is the worst sheep problem we’ve ever had,” said New Zealand Prime Minister John Key.  “Our shepherds are doing their best to keep their flocks from killing themselves, but there’s just too many of them, our shepherds can only do so much.”

But one Maseterton shepherd, Michael D’Alessandro, who turns 46 today, has been making heroic efforts to save the panicked sheep.   Several Masteron residents witnessed D’Alessandro standing at the bottom of the cliffs, catching the sheep and handing them off to assistants for sheepicide treatment.

“D’Alessandro is amazing.  He stands there hour after hour catching sheep.  The guy’s a real hero to New Zealand,” said Masterton Mayor, Margaret Maloney.   Randy Moss, one of the NFL’s best receivers said, “That guy has great hands, he should be playing on Sundays.”

It used to be that many sheep were born and few were frozen, but now many of the sheep are frozen.  Look at this picture of three Oxford sheep before they leaped to their death:

Interestingly, black sheep have not been committing suicide.  “They’re too smart,” said University of Auckland’s sheepologist Erin Kelly.  “It’s the white sheep that are jumping.”

Not everyone is upset the sheep suicide epidemic in New Zealand.  “Actually, it makes my job a lot easier,” said sheep farmer Michael Kady. “I don’t have to spend time killing the sheep, they do that for me.”  Kady  heads down to the base of the cliffs every morning with his sheep slaughter specialists and starts shaving the wool off the sheep.

There are 12 sheep for every person in New Zealand, a population of 4.2 million.  So, there’s a lot of sheep, and a lot of sheepicide going around.

If you want to help Save the Sheep, you can contact WWN and we will direct you to one of the many charities set up to save the sheep.  Or you can go to http://www.stopthesheepicide.org.

Whether you’re counting sheep or wearing sheep – nobody wants to see them impaled on rocks.

Save the Sheep!

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8 thoughts on “SHEEPICIDE!”

  1. i know what you're talking about. i got back from tour of the the south island of new zealand just yesterday and can bear witless to many incidents of sheepicide.

    Reply
  2. I am seriously considering calling Ph.D. ape about the global cooling problem as this could make bo peep become a black sheep and Dr. Leed might have to use his MBS if it gets anymore serious

    Reply
  3. They should study more and harder, It is very unusual that sheeps are committing suicide. Some said animals can predict the future but even after the quake they are still acting strange

    Reply

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