The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train. A frequent dater and lover…
Dude Dating with J-Train
Q. J-Train, I have a big first date coming up. I really want to show the girl a good time but at the same time I don’t want to drop too much money. What can I do? – Ned Shvitzer; Arlington, VA
A. Ned, I hear you. The first date is a bit stressful and you don’t want to look like a chump; it’s like a two way job interview for the kind of work that involves drunken nudity and – if you’re lucky – a few apologies. At the end of the night, the only male applicants that get this job are, for lack of a better term, the ‘studs.’ Now, what I mean by ‘stud’ here isn’t pulling up in your Ducati and handing the valet a crisp hundred-dollar bill. What I mean is presenting yourself as a man who’s confident; the kind of guy that not only sits and listens, but also speaks assuredly about who they are and what they want (and not without a healthy dose of self-deprecation). That’s not to say money isn’t important, but luckily the first date doesn’t require it – especially if you use my foolproof, time-tested, stud-molding first date spot: The Wine Bar. Oh yes. And there are three very important reasons for this.
The first, and most crucial, is Time. There is no more perfect dating hourglass than a bottle of wine: a regular sized bottle gives you about 4 healthy pours, which equates to somewhere between sixty and ninety minutes. When the bottle ends so does the date. If conversation decreases, drinking increases and vice-versa, meaning bad dates are over faster and good dates keep going. If you think you like her, order a red wine; the bold flavors and tannins (the things that make your tongue feel dry – like the morning after a good drunk) make you drink slower. If she’s wearing a Nickelback t-shirt, order a white: the acidity in Pinot Grigio and Sauvignon Blanc create the illusion of thirst and make you drink faster. If you want the date to end immediately, order a White Zinfandel. Oh and one very important rule: a stud always ends the date after the bottle is done. You aren’t that interesting, so unless things are about to get weird and she’s ready to do the bone-dance, thank her for the evening and take off. The first rule of showbiz and dating: ‘Always leave ‘em wanting more.’
Reason #2 for a Wine Bar? Space. Wine Bars are almost universally cozy, classy, dimly lit corners filled with the rumble of intimate conversation. A true stud would never take a first date to the movies and sit awkwardly silent next to each other, wondering who is going to take over the armrest. And a true stud wouldn’t take a first date to his bartender buddy’s bar to shout in her ear so as to get in a few words over the loud drunk sitting to the right. A true stud believes in the power of his conversation and his ease with the opposite sex.
‘But J-Train,’ you ask, ‘you haven’t even mentioned keeping it cheap! Isn’t wine expensive?’ Actually, for the purpose it serves, no. A bottle of wine, with all its trappings of class, will run you around $35, less than a meal and drinks for two at Applebees. If you’re a guy reading this thinking, ‘$35?!’ then you aren’t ready to date. Go chug some cheap vodka before going to the bars and find whatever lady is too drunk to realize that you pedaled her home on your handlebars. Look at it this way, if you went to a Cocktail Bar that had the niceties of a Wine Bar then each cocktail would run about 8 dollars. That’s a total of 48 dollars if you both have three drinks. The Wine Date saves you money if you’re ready to be a man and go on an actual date.
Listen, the first wine was fermented nearly 4500 years ago in order for some proto-human civilization to keep multiplying. And I’m pretty sure that you, dear reader, have parents that managed to polish off a bottle before managing to accidentally make you. Why mess with the most time-tested and proven method in the world? Be a stud; keep it timely, classy, and, of course, cheap. Take her to a Wine Bar.
Want more J-Train? … Email me!
DUDE DATING WITH J-TRAIN
The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
19 thoughts on “DUDE DATING WITH J-TRAIN”
Glad to see Ned is finally seeking advice, the guy can make a train take a dirt road!!!
I took a Moped to a wine bar, you know, the kind of girl that is fun to ride but you wouldnt want your friends to see you. Anyways, great advice….$35 bottle of wine….$75 morning after pill.
Any tips on how to lose weight fast?? Based on your picture you seem to be a pretty fit guy and based on your worldy advice on dating I figured you could offer a few tips!
Ok Train….listen up. Let me give you a little advice from a guy who has bagged more chickens than a farmer. Wine bars make chicks tired and eliminate all possibilities of doing terribly disgusting things that parents would be ashamed to know about. (do they even serve RVBs)
One time in college, I was in a Frat, I byrd-dogged this dumpster in a man made cave. That happened. Fact.
Great to hear it's only the fact I have been ordering White Zin at bars that's been holding me down with the ladies.
1st…this J train fella looks fruitier than Carmen Miranda's hat rack…Layin' on a hard wood floor with his leg crossed?…Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I'm thinkin yjr J train doesn't stop at hetero-town….
Any advice for computer nerds?
where did this j train come from hes great he is to men what carrie from sex in the city is to women
very excited to see this J-train advice section but I must say I am new to the column and would love to see ask a chimp come back for a while
I do dirtier things after wine.
<– is female
If I grow my hair out, do you think Gisele will leave Tom for me?
I think J-Train is Henry Winkler's son.
Thanks, train, your column is just what I needed for getting back in the game.
Q: Do girls like really nice shoes, like gucci? I am really in the market and hoped that you could give me some insight. It's been a while.
Weekly World News should have J-Train run a dating column with words of wisdom from this sage of dating
Before my last date, I took a Viagra and got that problem that you're supposed to call you doctor about (4+ hours) I called my local newspaper instead. What would you have done?
Has no one yet pointed out that this column is called "Dude Dating?" Shouldn't it at least be called "Dating for Dudes" or "Dating: The Dude Way?"……You might accidentally hit the wrong demographic with the current title.
Also, I agree with the J-Train's advice; you've got to take her to a wine bar… nothing says "I can protect and care for you" like Cabernet Sauvignon, stained red lips, and slow jazz…
Hello I am going on my first blind date with someone who is older then me (10-15 years), I am only 22 and I am a huge internet user and have seen many sites that have to deal with the term called MILF. There are MILF finders, MILF hunters, etc . The way they treat these older woman on the internet is very interesting, is this what I should expect on this blind date from this older woman? Let me know what you think and thanks a million.
j train, tou've said it all in this line : "presenting yourself as a man who’s confident".