Well, folks, strap yourselves in because I’m madder than a wet hen in a hurricane about this Jerome Powell character and his clown show at The Fed! This guy’s been running the Federal Reserve like it’s his personal piggy bank. And I’m here to tell you, it’s time to give this numbskull the boot faster than you can say “interest rate hike!” I’m Ed Anger! I’ve got some red-hot opinions that’ll make your blood boil—or at least wake you up from the snooze-fest this economy’s become under his watch!
First off, let’s talk about this so-called “chairman” of The Fed. Jerome Powell—or whatever he calls himself—thinks he’s some kind of economic genius, but he’s about as sharp as a bag of wet socks! This joker’s been sitting there, refusing to lower interest rates, while hardworking Americans can’t even afford a mortgage or a decent car loan without selling their grandma’s antique rocking chair! I say we lower rates so low that even a broke bum with a tin cup can buy a mansion. Now that’s the American way! But noooo, Powell’s too busy sipping fancy coffee in his $2.5 billion renovated Fed headquarters—yeah, you heard me right, $2.5 BILLION! Meanwhile the rest of us are stuck paying through the nose for his boneheaded decisions!
THE NOPER!
And don’t get me started on how he’s letting President Trump twist in the wind! Trump’s out there begging for lower rates to make America great again, and this pencil-pusher Powell just sits there like a stubborn mule, saying “nope, not gonna happen!” I say we fire this guy so fast his head spins—and replace him with someone who’ll listen to the people, not some ivory-tower egghead who doesn’t even need a credit card! Powell’s 72 years old, filthy rich, and probably doesn’t even know what it’s like to struggle—well, I say it’s time for a real American to take the helm, someone with grit and guts, not this tired old bureaucrat!
The Fed itself? It’s a mess under Powell’s watch! Inflation’s creeping up like a sneaky snake, and he’s doing nothing but twiddling his thumbs while our dollars turn into pocket lint! I say we ditch this whole fancy-pants central bank nonsense and let the free market run wild—give every American a gold bar and let’s see who comes out on top! But no, Powell’s too busy playing politics, dodging Trump’s attacks like a scaredy-cat, and making excuses about “independence.” Independence my foot—independence to ruin our economy is what he’s got!
PAVE THE FED
Folks, I’m so steamed I could cook a turkey on my forehead! It’s time to storm Washington, drag Jerome Powell out of his cushy chair, and give The Fed a good old-fashioned American overhaul! Let’s pave over the Fed’s fancy new building and turn it into a parking lot for hardworking truckers! Let’s get rates so low that every kid can start a business, and let’s tell Powell to take his economic mumbo-jumbo and shove it where the sun don’t shine! America deserves better than this clown, and I’m not gonna stop hollerin’ until we get it! Who’s with me? Let’s make The Fed great again—or better yet, let’s ditch it and start fresh! Yee-haw!
I’m partial to all Americans receiving chunks of gold, if you don’t’ mind.