“Trump’s Tank-Tastic Triumph Trampled by Traitorous Tantrums!”

Folks, I’m so steamed I could cook a bald eagle on my forehead! President Trump, God bless his red, white, and blue soul. He threw the greatest military parade this country’s seen since we sent Saddam packing in ’91, and what do we get? A bunch of whining, flag-hating hippies clogging the streets with their “No Kings” nonsense! I’m madder than a drill sergeant with a flat tire, and I’m here to tell you why this parade was pure American gold—and why those protesters need to crawl back to their vegan communes!

On June 14, 2025, our fearless leader marked the U.S. Army’s 250th anniversary—and his own 79th birthday—with a spectacle that’d make George Washington salute from his grave. Tanks—big, beautiful M1 Abrams tanks—rumbled down Constitution Avenue like the heartbeat of freedom itself. Black Hawk choppers sliced the sky, and 6,700 of our finest soldiers marched in lockstep, showing the world America’s still got the muscle to back up its mouth. The Golden Knights parachuted in with Old Glory, and Trump swore in 250 new recruits right there, proving he’s building an Army stronger than a grizzly on steroids. It was a $45 million love letter to our troops, and I’d pay double to see it again

NO HYPOCRITES

But oh no, the pinko parade-poopers couldn’t handle it! Millions of these “No Kings” crybabies—organized by commie groups like MoveOn and the ACLU—flooded 2,100 cities, waving upside-down flags and signs like “No Fascist USA!” They’re calling Trump a dictator, a king, a wannabe emperor, just because he dared to flex our military might on his birthday! Listen up, you patchouli-sniffing snowflakes: America ain’t had a king since 1776, and Trump’s no monarch. He’s a patriot who loves tanks more than you love your kale smoothies! These protesters are so brainwashed by globalist hogwash, they think a parade celebrating our Army is some kinda coup. I bet they’d cheer if China rolled tanks through Beijing, but when America does it, it’s “authoritarianism”! Hypocrites.

And don’t get me started on their so-called “peaceful” protests. In Los Angeles, they threw rocks and bottles at cops, forcing our brave Marines to step in and restore order. In Salt Lake City, a “No Kings” march turned into a shootout, leaving one guy critical! These ain’t protesters. They’re anarchist goons looking for a fight, and Trump was right to warn ‘em they’d face “very big force” if they tried to wreck his parade. You wanna talk fascism? Look at these mobs burning flags and chanting “Trump must go!” while our boys in uniform are out there defending their right to act like ungrateful brats.

OFF YOU GO

Here’s the kicker: these “No Kings” weirdos didn’t even show up in D.C. for their big protest, ‘cause they knew Trump’s tanks would drown out their whining. Instead, they skulked off to places like Philadelphia and New York. To places where they could scream about “democracy” without facing real patriots. And get this—some of their signs read “From Palestine to Mexico, border walls have got to go!” What’s that got to do with our Army? Nothing! They’re just piggybacking on Trump’s parade to push their open-borders, America-last agenda. If I had my way, I’d deport ‘em all to a desert island with nothing but their protest signs and a solar-powered megaphone.

The parade was a salute to our military’s history, from Lexington to Baghdad. There were tanks from World War II and soldiers in old-timey uniforms. It wasn’t about Trump’s ego, no matter what the fake-news media says. It was about reminding every terrorist, commie, and tofu-eater out there that America’s the baddest dog on the block. But the lefty loons can’t stand it! They’re mad because Trump spent $25 to $45 million on something that actually matters, unlike their precious “green energy” scams or handouts to illegal aliens. One protester, some California nut named Margo Ross, told NPR she’s “terrified” of a “fascist overthrow.” Lady, the only thing being overthrown is common sense when you clowns take to the streets.

OLD GLORY RIDES ON!

So here’s my message to the “No Kings” nitwits. If you don’t like tanks, troops, and Trump, move to Canada and hug a moose! This parade wasn’t just a party. It was a warning to every enemy of freedom that America’s ready to fight, win, and celebrate with a 21-gun salute. Trump’s not your king, but he’s sure as hell your president, and he’s making America great again, one tank at a time. As for you protesters, take your “No Fascist USA” signs and shove ‘em where the sun don’t shine—preferably in a bunker where you can’t ruin our patriotic party! I’m Ed Anger, and I’ll keep waving Old Glory while you’re busy burning it, you ungrateful yahoos!