U.S. PLANNING ARMY OF BAT BOY CLONES!

“THE PENTAGON WANTS TO CREATE A BATTALION OF HEROES!”

The U.S. Army War College in Carlisle, PA, has strongly advised the Pentagon to create hundreds or even thousands of Bat Boy clones to serve in ALL branches of the military.

If the bold but controversial plan is enacted, War college analysts are convinced the army of Bat Boys could be used to protect U.S. interests at home and abroad. They will be used to drive terrorists out of every corner of the world.

When the Bat Boys are let loose in the most dangerous parts of the world, it’ll have a major impact. It will only be a matter of time before they flush out all terror masterminds.

“Bat Boy has the genes we need to create the army of the future,” says a War College source. “The United States is a mighty country. We can’t continue to throw billions of dollars into military technology to continue fightings wars. Bat Boys, not billions!

“Bat Boy clones would change all that in a hurry. They won’t need expensive technology and hardware because they’d do their best fighting stripped to the skin.

‘We envision them using their blinding speed, nimble and unpredictable moves. The clones will have the ability to see with their bat-like radar, attack with sharp fangs, and utilize their remarkable cryptid strength to attack all enemies.

“The great thing about cloning Bat Boy is that his duplicates will mature as rapidly as he did. They’ll be ready for duty in two or three years. And nobody can complain because we’re talking about Bat Boys. It’s not like they would be human beings.”

IS BAT BOY SUPERHUMAN?

Neither the Pentagon more the Department of Defense is talking about the War College recommendation. Analysts who think Bat Boy is somehow less than human are in sharp disagreement with those who know him best.

Dr. Ron Dillon, the geologist who found the little boy with his ankle wedge in a rock in a cave in West Virginia in 1992 says, “The creature is at least half human, and he might be completely human.

“For all we know, he may be a member of a race of men that evolved underground. But otherwise — at the level of their genes and chromosomes — are human in every way.”

It’s unclear how the issue of Bat Boy’s humanity might play out. But as news of the War College’s recommendations continues to leak like olive oil from a colander, pundits are eager to tackle an issue that could hold the public’s interest for years.

Some already want to know why nobody’s asking Bat boy whether he even wants to be cloned. The fact that not even brass hats at the Pentagon can bend Bat Boy to their will proves that the cloning project may be dicey.

“The last time Defense Secretary Anthony Blinken had a one-on-on with Bat Boy was five years ago. It was over an ugly incident in which (Bat Boy) was accused of looking up an Army nurse’s dress. Well, Bat Boy cocked his leg and peed all over Rummy’s desk before jumping out the window, squeaking like a banshee all the way,” says a Pentagon source.

“So if my bosses are expecting him to bend over on this cloning thing, they might be in for a rude shock.”

BAT BOY READY?

Other insiders think Bat Boy might jump at the chance to give up a few genes for the cloning project.

“Don’t forget, Bat Boy volunteered for duty on the front lines. He did it for one of the most dangerous and unpredictable wars we’ve ever fought — Afghanistan,” says a Department of Defense source.

According to sources, If Bat Boy is cloned the medical work may have to be done in Afghanistan, Ukraine, or elsewhere. This is because it might be illegal in the U.S.

“You better believe we’ve got lawyers all over this thing,” says one of those sources. “If Bat Boy’s genes even look like they might be human, there’s going to be trouble.”