IT’S THE SECRET TO A LONG LIFE
LONDON — Does your family seem to be plagued by unusual bad luck, with misfortunes such as bankruptcies, mysterious illnesses, and freak accidents befalling one relative after another? It might not be just bad luck — your family could be suffering under a centuries-old curse, experts warn!
“We all know of families like the Kennedys, who seem to endure more tragedies than can be explained by chance alone,” says Carl Duckland, the famous British paranormal researcher. “In some such cases, family members are the victims of a long-forgotten curse that was placed on a remote ancestor.”
FIGURE OUT WHICH SIDE OF THE FAMILY IS CURSED.
If all the uncles on your mother’s side of the family are going to early graves, while your father and his brothers are unaffected, the curse is the maternal line.
TRACE THE CURSE BACK TO AN ANCESTOR.
This will take some research. You may have to visit the town in the “old country” your family hails from and ask about local lore regarding your kin. “If you’re uncertain about your roots, you may have to hire a genealogist to find out where your family name originates,” Duckland observes.
IIDENTIFY THE INDIVIDUAL WHO PLACES THE CURSE.
It may have been an old hag who was burned at the stake on the orders of your magistrate forebear,” Duckland says. “Or a peasant whose land was stolen by an aristocratic ancestor of yours.”
LEARN THE WORDING OF THE CURSE.
“Most likely, you’ll have to conduct a seance to learn first hand from the spirit of the hex-caster exactly what the curse states and how it can be undone,” Duckland says. “Almost all curses have an ‘escape clause.'”
. DO WHAT THE CURSE-MAKER DEMANDS.
“You may be pleasantly surprised to learn that the curse can be lifted simply by signing away a parcel of land that you didn’t even know your family-owned,” notes Duckland. “Other curses stipulate that they can be lifted at the verbal request of a blood descendant of the person who placed it. Usually, locals will be happy to oblige, for free, for as little as $25.
PLACE A COUNTER-CURSE.
If a person in a position to lift the curse stubbornly refuses to do so, you may be forced to resort to hardball tactics. Get a witchcraft practitioner to place a nasty hex on him. “Cows suddenly giving sour milk may be enough to get an ornery farmer to agree to set your family free,” Duckland says.
DON’T LEAP FROMM THE TRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE.
Beware of entering into a bargain with a practitioner of black magic that pulls you in a worse predicament than the original curse. “If the curse is simply that every member of your family suffers from boils on the buttocks. It’s wiser to invest in comfy seat cushions than to promise your firstborn child to a witch in exchange for help in lifting it,” Duckland says.