LOBBYISTS CRY FOUL!
In a once in a 17-year event, Cicadas will emerge from their underground nests across the nation. This
includes the District of Columbia.
Lobbyists are panicking. “This could be a disaster,” Noted Jolene Small, Head of the DC Lobbyists of
America Association. “These insects are really loud. They may well drone out everything we are trying to
tell our nation’s great leaders. They might not listen and vote wrong!”
The sounds Cicadas make are comparable to a train going by a house or by a plane passing low
overhead. It makes everyday tasks difficult. Many find it hard to sleep. And, it can last up to six weeks.
Entomologists are ecstatic. Miles Hiram-Kale said, “This only happens once or maybe twice in the
careers of most bug scientists. It happening in DC is a bonus. Maybe Congress can dole out some more
money to us scientists to keep this racket from happening again.”
Small is less amused. “Cicadas can sit in trees all day and scream. But if lobbyists try this we are accused
of disturbing the peace or threatened with arrest. It is not fair.”
Lobbyists will be trying different tactics to get the attention of politicians in DC. Many Congressional
leaders will be gifted branded noise-canceling headphones. Plus, this year, the lobbyist association will
move the annual Congressional junket up from its normal late-year schedule and fly leaders to
The Bahamas where lobbyists can help educate American leaders on what the American people need in
peace and quiet.