PUTIN SINGS!

Kremlin Releases Pop Album!

In an increasingly complicated world, one thing is still true: music lifts the soul.

That is why the Russian government has decided to release its first-ever music album.

The album, whose title translates as “Every Note Is True,” consists of Russian government ministers singing classic rock and pop songs. 

Grigory Satyrenko, Jr., a publicist for the project said, “Russians are all too often demonized. We are hoping that the human voice will put a human face on a group of people who have the same emotions as everyone else.”

FIRST SINGLE

The album will be released on September 25, but a few singles and album tracks have already been leaked. 

The first single is a cover of Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Minister of Foreign Affairs Sergey Lavrov is backed by a chorus of oligarchs and their wives and girlfriends. “The song was selected because “to those in other countries, we are foreigners,” said Satyrenko. 

Other tracks already leaked include a sprightly cover of B.J. Thomas’s “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head” by Minister of Defense Maxin Reshetnikov and a driving version of Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard For the Money” by Minister of Culture Olga Lyubimova.

There are also, among the covers, a pair of originals, including the Russian-language “История Любви,” or “Love Story,” by Minister of Trade and Industry Denis Manturov and the English-language “Hot-Food (Get Up And Do It!!) by Ministers of Transport Yevgeny Dietrich. 

VLAD DELIVERS

But the big question hovering over the whole project is that of Vladimir Putin. Will he participate in the project? The answer, says Satyrenko, is a resounding “Da!” 

“We haven’t disclosed this information until today,” he said, “and the full song won’t be out until the album release. But we’re releasing a thirty-second snippet of President Putin singing Sting’s ‘Russians.’ It’s a knockout performance.” Putin delivers a mournful, self-aware take on a 1985 hit in which the ex-Police-chief used the melody of Prokofiev’s Lieutenant Kijé Suite to muse about whether basic human emotions could overcome political differences and the threat of International conflict. 

“He really gives it his all,” said Satyrenko. “When he hits the chorus — ‘I hope the Russians love their children, too’ — your eyes will well up. I guarantee it.”

“If the album succeeds,” Satyrenko said, “there are plans for sequels, and there is even talk of a live concert event. “President Putin wants to sing ‘Russians,’” said Satyrenko, “but he also wants to bust out his guitar for a group sing-along on AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell.’”

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