This past week outside of the Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey was chaos! The home of the National Hockey League’s New Jersey Devils was packed with fans.
Although this time, those fans, were not there to see the past Stanley Cup Champions-they were there for the ACTUAL Jersey Devil!
“I’VE CHANGED. WHY CAN’T THEY?”
Coming out of the shadows, the legendary creature led a protest to implore the hockey team to change their name!
“It’s been years since they had a championship season, and they are tarnishing the New Jersey Devil name! People are associating me with all of their debauchery and failure. Not all publicity is good publicity!”, said a winged, exasperated New Jersey Devil.
“After I got out of rehab this last time, I made a conscious decision to change my ways and get with the times – why can’t they? The hockey team is still terrorizing people every hockey season and it’s sullying my reputation!”.
Long gone is the centuries old, livestock terrorizing, infant stealer-in its place is a kinder, gentle mythical beast.
“I’m a beast? Ha, you have obviously never watched The Real Housewives Of New Jersey! One of them is my neighbor, and her scream can curdle blood. I’ve complained to our HOA.”
What about the creature who was known to eat entire families & steal their souls?
“I’m vegan now- who needs the cholesterol problems? Soul sucking?! Haha, I replaced it with Soul Cycle! I figured, if I am going to be immortal, I might as well be healthy, and after a couple of hundred years, my tail doesn’t sit up as high as it used to! “
“GET WITH THE TIMES!“
These changes are just a part of the reasons why the famous folklore antagonist of the cloven hooves, wants the hockey team owners to consider a name change.
“The New Jersey NHL team needs to move into the 21st century. I am the only one of my kind and they are spitting on my history. Calling them “Devils” is a one-dimensional perspective, that perpetuates an archaic, patriarchal hysteria!”.
After reminding the New Jersey Devil, that he DID do all those things:
“Well, my life coach told me I was the author of my OWN STORY, so from now on you can call me N.J.D. It’s my rap name- the Notorious Jersey Devil! My new single, “Urban Legend’ drops next week. Get it? Urban Legend?!”
An online petition, supporting the name change of the hockey team at the time of press has been signed by almost 206 people.
“I don’t understand why we aren’t getting more signatures. It’s not like you have sign in blood- ANYMORE”, chuckled N.J.D.
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