56-YEAR-OLD MAN WINS ANIMAL CROSSING

Game Over.  Millions Around the Globe DevastATed.  Nintendo Stock Price Declines 30% on the News.

William “Billy” Barr, from Panguitch, Utah has won the video game Animal Crossing: New Horizons.  The game is now over, just four months after its release in March of this year!

Playing through his wife’s birthday dinner celebration and into the wee hours of Friday night, July 31st, the 56-year old claims to have conquered the seemingly unconquerable game.  “There is no doubt about it. I am the victor. It’s one of the proudest moments of my life. The best thing. I’ve ever done.”

He may be right as Animal Crossing no longer works.  Just a “game over” message appears on the startup screen. 

“I am an intensely competitive person as my wife can attest,” Barr told Weekly Weekly World News.  It doesn’t matter what competitive game we play – ping-pong, scrabble, yoga – I destroy her. That’s because whenever I take on a challenge I give it all I’ve got.

“I wonder sometimes that if I’d picked up a basketball at a younger age I could have been the G.O.A.T. The whole world of basketball would have been completely different. Michael Jordan’s Last Dance series would not have been so popular. You know what I mean?”

THE WORLD REACTS!

Around the globe, fans of the Animal Crossing – young and old – were devasted by the news.  There were screams heard coming from houses, apartments and basements in every country. Most had no idea the social game, which has been a soothing tonic during the pandemic, could be won.  Seven-year-old Cindy Luhu said “This sucks.  I waited all year for this game. And I built a really cool island, but now it’s all gone. I even caught a King Salmon.” 

Samantha Nixon, a spokesperson for Nintendo confirmed that the game had been won. “It took eight years to create the game and now it will likely take another 12 years to release the next version,” Nixon told Weekly World News. “That’s primarily because of our company’s desire to involve emerging virtual reality technology.” 

Fans of the game weren’t the only ones devasted by the news. The blockbuster game has been a top seller for Nintendo and now that the game is over, sales are likely to evaporate.  Nintendo shares were down 30% on the news.

Meanwhile, Billy Barr continues his round-the-clock celebration in his Utah neighborhood. “I plan on going on a world tour to give everyone a chance to meet me. It’s the least I can do.”

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