MONTANA – Bigfoot has gone missing! He surprised everyone when left the campaign trail – where he is running as Bat Boy’s VP.
Many people were shocked to learn that Bigfoot left the bunker in West Virginia. Bat Boy and his campaign staff have been hunkered down there during the pandemic. “We were all sitting around having insect burgers, grasshopper salads, and french fries, trying to pick a campaign theme song. Bigfoot got up to go grab a side of beef, and he never returned,” says Tasume Mikrado, a close advisor to the Bat Boy 2020 campaign.
Weekly World News found out about Bigfoot’s disappearance and sent out some of the best investigative reporters in the world go find out his location.
“We figured he was heading to Alaska, Montana, or Toronto. He loves the pizza there,” said Elsa Akesson, senior editor. “We spread out and covered all their locations.”
A few days ago, Weekly World News hit the jackpot and learned that Bigfoot was spotted crossing a small river in the woods north of Butte, Montana. Chuck Bench, of Butte, spotted the beast. “It was the craziest damn thing. I was out there fishing, trying to get away from the family during this pandemic thing and there I saw him. He was crossing the river right before my very eyes.”
But Bench didn’t just spot Bigfoot. “Right behind him were two Hollywood folks. I couldn’t believe my eyes.” Bench said he spotted Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga right behind him. “Clear as day I saw them. I remember them from that damn movie Gertrude made me watch.”
ON THE BIGFOOT TRAIL
Weekly World News followed the trail that Bigfoot, Cooper and Gaga were on. But there were no signs of them anywhere. We camped for the night, but barely slept due to reporter Hideaki Tailor’s extremely loud and incredibly close snoring.
In the morning, Hideaki was doing his Tai Chi in the woods when he saw Gaga passing by. She was alone. Lady Gaga told Weekly World News, “We were with Bigfoot for two days. We’ve been big fans and we helped him get to Montana. But he left us. He took off running. We feel a bit used, but we understand.”
Asked where Bradley Cooper went, Lady Gaga said. “Who knows. He’s gone, too. Maybe he’s in the shallow.”
Weekly World News is still on the Bigfoot trail and we will keep readers up-to-date on his whereabouts.