THUNDERDOME GROCERY STILL OPEN FOR BUSINESS!

“We are open, the building has been recently renovated, and the shelves are fully stocked! Even with highly treasured paper products…if you catch my drift!” Owner Auntie Entity gleefully explains. “I know that grocery shopping has been a bit like living in a post apocalyptic nightmare lately, but here at Thunderdome Grocery we protocol in place to ensure a wonderful shopping experience.”

Even though bold claims about fully stocked shelves seem fanciful these days, it was indeed the truth at Thunderdome Grocery. Isle after isle was brimming with ample amounts of stock.

“The secret to our success has always been keeping a close relationship with our vendors,” remarks Store Manager Humungous from behind the service desk. “We provide assistance in shipping to ensure that their trucks make it to the store in a safe, timely manner. Really one hand washes the other. Our suppliers know they are well taken care of. That creates a type of loyalty that makes a difference when times get tough.”

“Even though our supply lines are strong, because of recent events we have had to make a few new policies regarding social distancing, hoarding, and metering the number of people in the store at any given time.” Auntie Entity continues. “It’s been a bit of a challenge for our customers as well as for our employees to become accustomed to the new procedures, but we have promoted our Deli Manager to a newly created position. Social Distance Supervisor. The name is just a placeholder for now. I am sure we will come up with a snappier name in the future.”

“One goes in, one comes out!” yells Master, one half of the imposing duo known as Master Blaster. “Six foot enforced!”

SOCIAL DISTANCING STRICTLY ENFORCED

Produce Manager Toadie had a glowing review of the newly appointed Social Distance Supervisor.

“Master Blaster really does make all the difference. My job is relatively stress-free now! Master Blaster quickly diffuses a situation If a customer gets a little edgy or irritated over something. He puts everyone involved iat ease. Happy, safe customers is his number one goal!”

This was observed by Weekly World News on our tour of Thunderdome Grocery. A young lady with one too many packages of perforated posterior paper was in a verbal altercation with another young lady. Master Blaster was way out in front of the problem before it escalated.

“Two in basket! Two in basket!” Master shouted from the end of the paper products isle. Blaster postured and flexed his Herculean body with a simple “Grrrt.”

“We forget the rules sometimes Master Blaster. Thank you for being so gentle and understanding.” both ladies apologize in unison and return to shopping with smiles on their faces.

“An amazing, calming presence Master Blaster exudes.” Auntie Entity grins with pride at the expert diffusion of the situation. “We are lucky to have someone among us that has their fingers around the pulse of humanity.”