GRAVITY STOPS IN SMALL DUTCH TOWN

KINDERDIJK, THE NETHERLANDS – For eight hours yesterday, the citizens of this small Dutch town lost gravity. Terrified citizens were floating above the town for hours!

Hamish Bjorn, a one-time NASA astronaut, is in Kinderjik studying this bizarre occurrence. Scientists are baffled by this sudden absence of gravity. The event caused panic and fear in this small town of 2,000.

Many citizens were inside, which was a much safer place to be during the “Gravity Drop”. Bjorn feared that those who were outside would be lost. He felt that they would just float off into outer space. But for some reason, the citizens only got as high as the local windmill.

“I was happy to see the men and women floating in the air by the windmill. I know it sounds odd, but I knew that we could save them, Bjorn said. “If they drifted up into space, well… what could we do?”

FLYING HIGH INSIDE

Many of those that were inside, however, did sustain bumps and bruises to their heads and shoulders. “I was watching Holland’s Got Talent and the next thing I know I was pinned to the ceiling of my flat,” said Jurgen Van Dukenvladjisk. “My wine also floated to the ceiling so I was able to take a few sips in the air, which was a cool thing.”

Weekly World News spoke to Wan Fong of NASA, who explained that astronomers and gravitational scientists would be studying the town for the next year. “We will also be studying the citizens of Kinderdjik,” Wong said. “An absence of gravity brings other problems. Red blood cell count falls, bringing on a form of “space anemia”. Wounds take longer to heal and the immune system loses its strength,” Fong said. “We want to see if any of that happened in that Dutch town.

“‘A Gravity Drop is analogous to letting go of the string,” said Fong. “Things not attached to the Earth in any other way would fly off into space in a straight line that would take them away from the surface of the Earth. That’s why we are so pleased we didn’t lose anybody.”

WHAT REMAINED GROUNDED?

It was also curious that the Gravity Drop did not affect animals, furniture or kegs of beer. “That’s something we will be studying closely in Kinderdjik. However, there were a few couples who were in the midst of lovemaking who were very pleased with the Gravity Drop.

“Oh my God. I can’t wait for the next one. That was amazing!”

It’s not clear if this was an isolated event or if NASA feels it may happen again in that town or anywhere else on the Earth. “We are going to do everything in our power to prevent another occurrence,” said Fong. “I bet Isaac Newton is rolling over in his grave. Or up in the air!”

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