GIANT POLAR MONSTER ATTACKS CRUISE SHIP!

NOME, Alaska – A cruise in the Bering Strait was recently attacked and sunk under mysterious circumstances. The sole survivor of the assault on the liner Aunt Bee was first mate Sid Rodrigo, who had been on watch when – according to his sworn testimony – horror-struck from beneath the frozen sea.

“We were five days out of Anchorage,” Rodrigo told Weekly World News. “Passengers were sightseeing in dinghies while others were fishing from the deck. We were reeling in some big catches when suddenly the fishing went dry. There was nothing – not even a snow cod. Suddenly, one of the passengers pointed toward the rocky coastline, at the bloodied remains of a beached whale. The poor, dead giant looked like it had a losing encounter with the propellers of a submarine.

“We notified the Oceanic Environmental Agency and recalled all the boats,” he went on. “We continued the cruise, hoping the dead whale was a fluke of some kind. It wasn’t.

“I was lopsided about 3 a.m. when this sloshing sound rolled in from an approaching fog bank. I thought it might be an iceberg so I alerted the bridge. They had already picked it up on sonar.

“We were about to change course when the large mass bobbed up on the whitecaps and headed toward the boat at over 80 knots. Icebergs don’t usually move that fast and I chuckled to the navigator that it might be Ututi, the sea devil of local Aleut legend.

“I was whistling past a graveyard, though I didn’t know it at the time.”

This is UTUTI

MONSTER IS PART POLAR BEAR AND PART SWORDFISH

Rodrigo continued, “I squinted through my night vision binoculars. As I focused, a deafening roar bellowed from the fog. Moments later I saw a massive object that looked like a bear. A really big bear.

“Rising up from the water was an enormous white polar bear over 50 feet tall. It had a pointed snout and a big fin on its back – just like a swordfish! It lumbered toward us as I sounded the alarm.

“Fred Kilgallen, the boats scuba instructor, was on deck within moments. He fired a spear gun at it. The projectile barely penetrated the creature’s slick white fur. The giant swatted it aside then slapped Kilgallen overboard with a swipe of its massive paw. My crewmate flew at least 20 feet up and was swallowed by the night.

“Then the polar bear-thing – which I knew now was Ututi – speared the side of the boat with its snout. He lifted it from the water as the terrified crew unleashed a torrent of small arms fire to no avail. I held tight to the railing as Ututi angrily shook the boat from side to side. One by one, people flew into the icy sea. Then Ututi pushed the boat from his spear and dove into the sea, gulping down crewmembers and tourists alike.

“I heard screams, though I didn’t see very much,” Rodrigo said. “I was too busy holding onto a floating section of the boat – from below. There was a pocket of air so I could breathe and hide. Ututi never knew I was there.”

The Cruise Ship Suffered Some Damage, then quickly sank.

AFTER THE ATTACK

The sailor said that when he was sure the monster was gone, he crawled on top of the debris to keep from freezing. The sun rose soon thereafter, warming him somewhat. It was just a few minutes after dawn when the OEA ship found him.

Passengers right before the ship sank.

After reviewing the testimony, zoologist professor Samuel Brackson from Anchorage Free University theorized, “Assuming the sailor hadn’t been drinking – which I’ll grant him, since it clearly wasn’t an iceberg that destroyed the Aunt Bee – the creature he described is most likely descended from prehistoric subgenus of polar bear that had been hibernating in a glacier for millennia. Most likely sightings of the frozen beast had made their way into Aleut lore. With the rise in global warming, Ututi’s icy prison melted, freeing this snow devil of legend.”

Since the attack, cruise routes have been altered to avoid that region of the Strait. However, the OEA reports that fesh animal carcasses have been reported by natives inhabiting the region.

“They say it’s Ututi,” Professor Backson reported. “If it is, let’s hope there’s just one of him – and there’s enough food to keep him happy. This is not a creature you want coming ashore!”

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