HUNTINGTON, NY – Over the weekend oldest brother Kevin Jonas got married. At Oheka Castle in Long Island, Kevin Jonas married his hairdresser, 23 year old Danielle Delesea. Scientific investigation confirms that this Saturday’s blizzard was sent by an angry snow god trying to stop the ceremony.
Himavat, a Hindu snow god, was angered by the Jonas Brother getting married. According to theology scholars Himavat has been a rabid Jonas Brothers fan since they performed in Mumbai last spring. Researchers believe he sent the storm fearing a Yoko Ono type situation if one of the brothers got married.
Saturday’s Blizzard surprised meteorologists when it started in the Atlantic then went up the entire American Eastern Seaboard, burying cities and leaving havoc in its wake. Apparently the Jonas Brothers kept quiet about the marriage until only a few days before it happened. Knowing only the general region to look Himavat pounded the eastern seaboard, moving northward until he found ceremony in Long Island.
Kevin Jonas was married in a castle estate outside of New York City, with a magical forest themed wedding. The other brothers, also believed to be genetically engineered by Disney and share a hive mind, served as best men for the occasion. Himavat arrived just in time to see the couple declared man and wife. Mourning his lost cause, he left several ice sculptures on their lawn as a wedding present and the blizzard died out.
Despite one of their ranks being married the Jonas Brothers (scientifically referred to as Jonasai) will continue to market themselves to a preteen audience. Himavat has returned to his home atop the Himalayan mountains, binging on ice cream and Hannah Montana reruns.
this is retarded.
i agree..what's with all the "scientifically" ?!
It meens it's all been proven!
I thought it was funny 🙂
There is no Hindu god Him-whatever. This is a mockery to my religion. Whoever wrote this should be kicked in their Onions. CONGRATULATIONS KEVIN AND DANIELLE 🙂
No DUH this is fake! It's just a joke guys jeez lighten up!!
DUHH –
THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. Thank you, WWN. Thank you so much for making my whole day worthwhile 😀
omg , no more jonas brothers !
i just wanted to know about the wedding and this poop came up. what the heck!?
i know this is supossed to be a joke but… i didn't think it was funny.. it didn't offend me or anything like that but it wasn't funny.
hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha
You may say that this article is crap. Well if you happened to stumble upon it while looking up details on the Jonas brothers wedding your life may be crap. Weekly World News has been around since i was a child and is always a breathe of comedic relief. If you were offended by it in any way, shape, or form get over yourself. Your not so important that they would go out of the to offend you.
hahaha THANK YOU! In fact, i'm animating this article (albeit an embellished version) for my animation project.
I am happy for you kevin .