NASCAR DRACULA!

Vampire on Wheels Wows Crowds! Ever since he was young, Count Alexandru Craioveanu had a thing for American culture. “Call me Alex,” he says. “That’s a start. I can’t get … READ MORE

2020 IS GOING TO REPEAT!

A psychic has the bad news! Every year, Henrietta Halvorson spends December thinking about January. It’s her job—Halvorson, better known as “Ri The Magnificent,” is a popular newspaper psychic whose … READ MORE

SANTA HAS COVID!

Will not affect present delivery! As COVID-19 numbers climb through the winter wave—second or third depending on who you ask—countries across the world are moving back toward lockdowns and closures. … READ MORE

CAPITALIST PIG!

Clairvoyant Swine Predicts Stocks Over the years many animals have tried their hand at the stock market. Chimps and other apes seem to be the best at it, though octopi … READ MORE

NEWS SCHEDULED TO END

“Enough, Already,” Says Human History By any standard, this has been a busy year: pandemic, election,natural disasters, and more. But that’s about to end. “Starting next month,” says Leanne Artrusco, … READ MORE

PUTIN SINGS!

Kremlin Releases Pop Album! In an increasingly complicated world, one thing is still true: music lifts the soul. That is why the Russian government has decided to release its first-ever … READ MORE