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49ERS, CHARGERS FORM GAMBLING RING


SACRAMENTO –  The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers have formed a legal gambling ring.

Today the San Francisco 49ers and the San Diego Chargers officially launched their gambling business, which was sanctioned by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and the State of California.  “People have been gambling on football  for decades.  There’s no reason why football teams can’t get in on the action and run their own gambling operations.”

The State of California passed a bill allowing the teams to go into the gaming business. Of course, the 49ers and Chargers will need to give the State of California 25% of all their profits, but they seem to be happy with the bill.

“Yeah, it”s a really high vig,”  San Francisco 49ers owner Dennis De Bartolo said, “but we’ll be making plenty of money and so will the state.  So it’s win/win.”   Except, of course, the bettors who will lose – big time.

Asked whether he thought the games would be compromised Bartolo said, “Look, players have been throwing games since the NFL began, now the players can participate in the profits without worrying about ruining their reputation or any of those pesky legal issues.”

Frank Gore, the 49ers starting running back said, “actually it’ll make the games more interesting because defenders won’t know if I’m going to go full-speed, half-speed or no-speed. It’s going to be a blast.”

The San Diego Chargers  organization is looking forward to participating in the gambling ring.  Charger owner, Alex Spanos, said, “I think it’s a great way for the State of California to raise money. We also will be selling marijuana at the games, which will be taxed at 20%.  California is going to rake it in at Charger games.”  When asked if the Chargers will also have prostitutes (male and female) available at the games, Spanos said “well, that hasn’t been approved yet by state lawmakers, but we’re hoping Governor Schwarzenegger can push it through in time for our season opener.”

Both the San Francisco 49ers and the San Diego Chargers will also have Scratchers tickets, a brand-new ticket for the Lottery. Fans that purchase these Scratchers tickets can enter their non-winning tickets on the Lottery’s Replay website  for a chance to win unique and exclusive second-chance 49ers prizes, such as suites to games, autographed helmets and a lifetime supply of California marijuana.”

Former 49ers owner, Eddie DeBartolo Jr., who pleaded guilty in 1998 in federal court to a felony charge involving a casino license, will be running the joint gambling ring.  “He has a lot of experience,” said Spanos.

Al Davis, the crazy owner of the Oakland Raiders, was asked why his team wasn’t part of the gambling ring.  “I don’t want any part of anything dirty.  My team plays by the rules.  They’ll be no gambling in Raider Nation.”

With the economy the way it is, it’s only a matter of time before the entire NFL becomes a legal gambling ring.

Place your bets…