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CHICAGO: MANDATORY GUN OWNERSHIP
Chicago passed a law requiring each household to own a gun as a way to keep crime down.
JUSTIN BIEBER’S MONKEY MURDERED
Justin Bieber’s monkey was murdered in Germany. Drake Bell is a suspect.
BARBARA WALTERS FIRED!
ABC has reportedly fired Barbara Walters from The View and forced her out of the network altogether.
OBAMA MAKES APRIL 1st “OPEN BORDERS DAY”
President Obama announced that for today only – the borders to the U.S. will be open. All are welcome!
POPE FRANCIS RESIGNS!
Pope Francis shocked the world today. Just as soon after Easter was over… he resigned.
7-YEAR OLD SOLVES SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE
ELFORD, Texas – For eons, scientists and philosophers have tried to uncover the secret of the universe. Last week, Jimmy Gallagher, 7, learned what it was.
AMANDA MARCUM ENFIELD
She’s the new Katherine Webb!!
THE DRACULA FISH RETURNS!
LONDON – The Dracula Fish, who once attacked women in Eastern Europe, has returned!
GROUNDHOG EXECUTED
Punxsutawney Phil’s forecast for an early spring was as an epic failure. So, he was executed this morning.
HACKERS FOILED BY KNICKS YOUTUBE VIDEO
Yonkers, NY police and FBI agents are crediting a YouTube music video in their apprehension of a hacker cell.
