I’m madder than a leprechaun with a crooked shillelagh about St. Patrick’s Day!

St. Patrick’s Day is the stupidest holiday of the year, because the Irish are the craziest people on earth, next to the Paleostynians and those nutcase A-rabs. The Irish are basically just Mexicans who speak English.

Why are we having a big parade for a bunch of weirdos who pray to the Pope, believe in fairies and blow each other up?

I know my history, and this great country of ours was founded by Pilgrims and Puritans and other Protestants, not weirdo Catholics like the Irish. If it had been, the Statue of Liberty would be the Virgin Mary!

All the Irish do is get drunk and sing sad songs about dropping dead. Once a year, we let them march down the street, all boozed up on their disgusting warm brown beer. Then they stuff themselves with potatoes and cabbage and stink up the place!

Potato-eating, beer-puking Pope-lovers, that’s what they are!

What have the Irish ever done for America? They stuck us with those damn Kennedys, that’s what. Between their Old Man the crooked bootlegger, down to fat Teddy boy, that family is an embarrassment, not to mention a danger to public safety! Ralph Nader fellow should’ve left General Motors alone and gone after the Kennedys. Their cars should have warning labels instead of bumper stickers.

When St. Patrick’s Day rolls around, don’t get tricked by all the booze and the songs, my fellow Americans. It’s all part of an evil Jesuit plot to help the Vatican take over America! So stay away from all those crazy parades or you’ll end up praying to the wrong Jesus!