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I’m madder than Jessica Simpson at a spelling bee! 2009 was a frozen dog turd of a year, let me tell you!

I can’t believe half of you idiots voted for the Teleprompter Kid, the worst President in history, and that includes Chester Arthur and the bucktoothed Peanut Farmer whose name I don’t even feel like writing.

We’re getting killed by crazy A-rabs all over again. Next we’ll be getting our new kidneys from the DMV.

The government can’t keep crazies from visiting the White House for a party, but they’re gonna tell you who gets a hip replacement!

Speaking of which: I’ve had it with these “reality TV” dingbats. We’ve got stupid dagos on the one hand and that nutty Balloon Dad on the other, and midgets, midgets, midgets in the middle. How many damn midget shows do we need? They don’t even wear cute little costumes and sing and dance. What kinds of second-class midgets are those?

The good news is: I was right all along when I told you that global warming was about as real as Bigfoot. It was just a scam by that loser Al Gore to get his revenge on America and make a billion dollars at the same time. Hell, all those organic cheeseburgers he stuffs his face with aren’t free, ya know!

And Americans are rising up and fighting back against the Washington crazies!

I don’t know how I’m gonna keep going through the next year if it’s anything like this one. Lucky for me I’ve stocked up on shotgun shells and oxygen tanks, so don’t get your hopes too high, you commies! Good old Ed Anger will still be around to whip your butts in 2010!