FIJI – Physicist Matthew Bowen reports that, following the successful detonation of nuclear payload G-417, girlfriend Julie Belcourt is now his fiancée.
“The triggering mechanism functioned perfectly, the blast radius was within projected parameters, and we’ve set the date for August,” said Bowen. “To be safe, we’re thinking of honeymooning in a low-radiation setting, possibly Venice.”
Although fallout procedure precluded a romantic dinner, the shelter afforded the happy couple an abundance of canned goods, not to mention a front-row seat to the explosion.
Asked how he came up with the idea, Bowen grew misty-eyed. “Julie told me a long time ago that, when she was a little girl, she had always dreamed there would be fireworks at her proposal,” he said. “I just thought, how much cooler would it be if I irradiated the whole damn place? A big marriage deserves a big boom.”
The nuclear test was conducted with the participation of several government agencies seeking to expand their nuclear arsenals. Although some have questioned the wisdom of allowing a personal matter to enter the public-funded sphere, the team-leading French delegation was won over by Bowen’s grand romantic gesture.
“C’est l’amour,” said Dr. Gerard Claremont, who gave his blessing to both the bomb test and the marriage. “Who are we to stand in the way of two young people looking to express their commitment to each other by advancing the sophistication of nuclear war?”
“The real bomb is love,” he added.