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CHIRAC BITTEN BY DEPRESSED POODLE


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PARIS – Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to the hospital this week after being attacked by his white Maltese poodle, Sumo.

Jean-Michel Renault, press secretary for Mr. Chirac, issued a statement saying that Sumo has been diagnosed as “clinically depressed” and has been on anti-depressants for some time.  Regarding Sumo’s relationship with Chirac, he said that it is an unfortunate setback but the two are willing to work on their relationship.

While Chirac was President of France for 12 years, aides close to him say he often came in with cuts and bruises, claiming he had fallen off his Vespa or walked into a door.

Paparazzi swarmed the hospital when he was discharged, snapping pictures of his twenty eight stitches and bruises in the shape of a dog food bowl.

Briefly answering questions while walking to his car, Chirac claimed that Sumo “didn’t mean to hit me, he’s a good dog” and that “it’s not his fault.  He’s depressed.”

Sumo, who has a long record of drunk and disorderly charges, is currently being investigated regarding the disappearance of an American tourist who went missing during last years Beaujolais Festival.

The 76 year old statesman finished his statement saying the two will soon be attending therapy together.