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CURIOSITY KILLS MARTIAN CAT

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After narrowly escaping an initial attack, the Mars rover Curiosity has reportedly run over a Martian cat. The incident comes after an already tumultuous stay on the Red Planet, as those “seven minutes of terror” that brought Curiosity down to the surface was quickly countered with a Martian swarm.

A picture of the cat-like creature’s corpse, taken by one of Curiosity’s cameras, was sent to NASA on Tuesday. The question of whether or not this planet has life was answered for all of the Earth’s naysayers within the first few hours of Curiosity’s arrival. However, the robot’s continued encounters with Martian lifeforms has provided many more questions.

How will the Martians retaliate against Earth for killing one of their precious, feline-like companions? Do cats on Mars also have nine lives? Are there Martian puppies?

Developments about the rover itself also continue to unravel. Details about the rover’s abilities have surprised many as it continues its search on Mars. From self-repair programming to a crude grappling gun that helped it escape those initial attacks, Curiosity continues to inspire awe in its design and functionality. However, many are now skeptical about the robot’s chances against advanced alien weaponry.

Weekly World News will continue to follow Curiosity as it makes its way to the Tylon Canyon, miles south of where it took the life of the Martian Cat. President Barack Obama is expected to provide a formal apology to the Martian people for the incident on Wednesday.

When reached, a PETA spokesman was unable to comment on whether the organization advocates for ethical treatment of Martian animals.