GERMANY – Paul is dead. The famous psychic octopus who predicted outcomes of the 2010 World Cup was murdered.
Paul, the famous octopus, was found dead in his tank this morning according to Klaus Veber, manager of the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre in Germany.
At first Veber thought Paul, who lived just two and a half years, died peacefully in his sleep, but upon closer inspection, Veber saw that Paul had been shot five times in seven of his arms. His beak was also blown away.
World Cup fans around the globe were devastated to hear the news. Paul will be remembered for predicting the winners of all Germany’s World Cup clashes, and then the final by selecting Spain over the Netherlands.
Just before each game, Paul would choose one of two boxes, each loaded with a mussel food treat and marked on the outside with one of the teams.
German authorities think an Iranian hit squad killed the lovable octopus. Paul made an enemy in Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who said that Paul was “a symbol of decadence and decay” in western society. Ahmadinejad thought that Paul was spreading western propaganda.
Paul’s body is now in cold storage awaiting an autopsy. The aquarium is deciding what kind of funeral arrangements to make, but already every head of state – including German Chancellor Merkel and President Obama – has said they will attend.
Paul McCartney has rewritten “Octopus’ Garden” to sing at the funeral. This time… Ringo won’t be doing the vocals.
Word also got out that Paul was training a psychic successor in his final days. Perhaps he knew that he would be murdered. The new Octopus, named Peter, will start predicting world soccer matches in about three weeks.
And don’t worry… in the U.S. we have P-Lod to predict sports events and elections.