BALTIMORE, MD – Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps has lost an endorsement contract with Nabisco. This is solely blamed on his recent admission that he snuck in to a theatre to see My Bloody Valentine 3-D.

“My conduct was regrettable, a juvenile misstep not befitting an Olympian,” said Phelps in a statement.  “I know now I should have just gone to see the movie I had bought a ticket for, instead of deceiving the staff of AMC Cinema and watching a film rightly cited by the MPAA for excessive violence.”

The Olympic Committee has issued a statement condemning Phelp’s actions, which they described as “dishonest and unbecoming an athlete of his stature”.

“Just because everyone does it and it causes no harm to anyone and most people enjoy it a great deal doesn’t mean he should,” they continued.  “This is outrageous.”

In the wake of the revelation, Phelps’ business relationships have become strained.  Some corporations have expressed concern over future dealings with the fourteen-time gold medal-winning athlete; one so far has unequivocally withdrawn its support.

“Michael Phelps’ actions fly in the face of what Nabisco Corporation is all about,” said company spokesman Jeff Hautsly in a statement.  “We want America to know that we don’t condone our youth going to see fun, trashy horror movies with their friends on a Friday night.  That’s not what we’re about, that’s not what our customers are about, and that’s not what America is about.”

Phelps continues to express regret at what he describes as a youthful indiscretion, and hopes that he can regain the confidence of the people he somehow betrayed.



  1. That's…shocking. How could he do such a thing? I sent him a LETTER saying how awesome he was. I just knew that he's not really the new Chuck Norris.


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