CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS BLACK

CAMBRIDGE, U.K. – New research done by the University of Cambridge proves conclusively that Christopher Columbus was black.

DNA analysis of the remains of Christopher Columbus, done by forensic scientists at the University of Cambridge, prove beyond a shadow a doubt that the famed navigator was of African descent.

“A five-hundred-year-mystery has been solved,”  said Wellington Malley, the head of the Cambridge research team.  “Even though Columbus was born in Genoa, and spoke and wrote in Spanish most of his life, the DNA is clear – Columbus was 100% African.  We believe he was from the west coast, probably from what is now Cameroon.”

“No way!”, said Carlo Minucci of Bayonne, New Jersey.  “Columbus is a full-blooded Italian-America.  He sailed here with his friends Nina and Pinta  and discovered Hoboken.  That’s the way it went down.  He’s not black.  This is our day!”

Sorry, Carlo.  It’s the truth. .. Some of the remains of Christopher Columbus were found in Seville Cathedral, in Spain, and some bones were buried in Santo Domingo Cathedral in the Dominican Republic.  “All of the bones and the remains from both locations have been checked and rechecked.  He’s black.”

Columbus died in 1506.  In 1537, the widow of his son Diego was allowed to take the bones of both her husband and his father to the Dominican Republic for burial in the cathedral of Santo Domingo.  Diego was also black.

Not all African-Americans were pleased to know learn about Columbus’s ethnic identity.   “What?  Columbo was a thug, a punk.  He sailed out over here and slaughtered the Indians, ” said Fred Johnson of Harlem.  “I think the whole thing is bogus, trying to pin a crime on blacks again.  This is B.S.”

But President Obama heard news over the weekend and was proud to know that one of the greatest sailors and navigators of all time was black.  “I’m ordering all statues and monuments to Christopher Columbus be taken down and redone.  We want his likeness to be accurate.”

Mayor Bloomberg in New York said that the big Italian-American parade down 5th Avenue would be changed to an African-American parade in honor of Christopher Columbus.

“Fuggedabout it,” said Tony Cinelli of Brooklyn.  “This ain’t right.  This is the only Italian day we get.  And they take it away from us?  We get no respect.  Next thing you know they’ll be telling us that the Chinese invented pasta.”

The Grand Marshall of this year’s Columbus Day Parade – Maria Bartiromo has been replaced by Beyonce.

Native-American were indifferent to the news.  “Either way we got screwed,” said Chief Walking Stick,  a Navajo Indian.

Well, whether you are  black, Italian, or just a Columbus-lover…  get out there and celebrate the day!

23 thoughts on “CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS BLACK”

  1. I can see it…the idea that Africans couldnt hold prominent European postiions is ludicris…if there were Black Greeks, Black Romans, off course there would be Black Spaniards…and was probably common…Race wasn't created untill after Columbus…I dont see why everybody is so surprised…Hell…the Moors ruled spain for 10 centuries….What the hell you expect…oh my fault people still beleive in the "Great White Race" theory..where all things great came from Europe…well many great things did come from Europe….like a Black Columbus…LMAO….the half hasnt been told…

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  2. Moors ruled the area known as spain, france, holland, england, ireland, portugal, and some parts of italy for 800 yrs. 711ad to 1491ad. Columbus was not a navigator, he could not read. During this time period, most moors were forced into servatude, or forced to convert to christianity and also were kept out of lucrative business deals(just like in america), or kicked out of Europe back to Afraka. Why would Columbus be spared?

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  3. Murderous black monster, responsible for untold genocide, and he was Israelite as was his family! This revelation makes me happy, as the truth about this black fool is now public knowledge! Now the Italians are free of the association with this International Criminal and his legacy of genocide, murder, rape, ethnic cleansing, and deportation. I thank the scientic community for this timely revelation, Columbus was a Pirate and great criminal, what black person could be proud of this fool or who would celebrate this criminals life or his stubbling upon a land already discovered by the native inhabitants, I hope his black body burns in hell forever, and anyone who celebrates Columbus Day. Columbus's picture, statutes and anything else should be torn down like Saddam's were torn down, damn muderer!

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  4. I THINK PEOPLE ARE LOOSING SIGHT AND STARTING TO POINT FINGERS ALOT O PEOPLE IN THE PAST HAVE LIVED NOTORIOUS LIVES….NOT JUST COLUMBUS DONT TRY TO MAKE HIM OUT TO BE SOME HORRIBLE MURDERING….JUST BECAUSE WE NOW KNW HE WAS AFRICAN WHAT ABOUT HITLER WAS HE AFRICAN DONT THINK SO!! THE MAIN THING IS WE NOW HAVE A CHANGE IN HISTORY LESSONS A CHANGE IN STATUES AND THINGS OF THAT SORT!! QUIT POINTING FINGERS¡!! SERIOUSLY!

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  5. The Hon. Elijah Muhammad taught us 50 odd years ago that christopher Columbus was a half original(mixed race of black and white). So this is only news to us common people whilethe wise men have known this reality from the beginning.

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  6. Black or white or in between, he was Catalonian!
    see the book by Charles J.Merrill, Edicions Consenta …
    catalonians already use to know it but it is even reconfirmed now .

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  7. Reading these comments you would think the ppl leaving writing them didn't realize this was meant to be a parody. I know it wasn't very funny but still…

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