HOLLYWOOD – The spunky actress, Gloria Stuart, went on a wild binge in her final days.
Gloria Stuart, the 100-year-old actress whose role in 1997’s Titanic earned her an Academy Award nomination, died yesterday in a drug-fueled, base-jumping accident in Costa Rica.
A group of stoned hikers found her body at the bottom of the Puerto Viejo cliffs. “Whoa dude, that’s Old Rose. Old dead rose,” said one hiker, Snug (24). “Gnarly.”
Costa Rican authorities believe there may have been a substantive amount of cocaine and alcohol in her body at the time of death. “Most Hollywood stars are addicted to drugs. Does not matter she be old, she probably still take the drug, take the pill.” said Juan Hortatia of San Jose.
The bizarre accident apparently was caused when the bottle-rockets attached to the actress’s base-jumping helmet exploded prematurely, setting fire to her backpack and preventing her parachute from deploying in time.
“This was a freak accident,” said local base jumping guide Lars Dreaver, 30. “It almost never happens. Just like once a month or something.”
Costa Rican chief of police Esteban Rodriguez said that the accident was “unusual” given that the 100-year-old actress had performed and survived similar base-jumping stunts in the past. Rodriquez said, “she liked to fly out here on the weekends, get really high on coke, strap a bunch of pyrotechnics to her body, and then fling herself off the cliff – nothing too much out of the ordinary. She went out with a bang. That’s all that counts.”
Leonard Di Caprio and Kate Winslet were both devastated by the news of Stuart’s death and unavailable for comment. Billy Zane had this to say, “Hey, I was in Titanic, too! Anybody got a role for me. Anybody?!”
Costa Rican authorities are worried about other elderly actors trying to duplicate Stuart’s wild antics. “We hear Jack Klugman is coming down here next weekend. We’ll have police watching all the cliffs.”
Story filed by WWN reporter: Brian Zimmeman.
Here’s Kate and Leo… looking for Gloria:
And maybe that song for her as well:
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