I’M MADDER THAN A HORNET IN A PICKLE JAR OVER THIS LOBSTER LUNACY!

Folks, I’m so steamed I could boil my own head in a pot of clam chowder! Just when you think the world can’t get any dumber, those pointy-headed Eurocrats in Brussels go and prove me wrong. Word on the street—and by street, I mean the patriotic pavement of Main Street, USA—is that the European Union is waving a so-called “trade deal” in front of President Trump’s nose, and guess what’s in it? LOBSTERS! That’s right, lobsters! I’m madder than a bobcat in a burlap sack, and if you’re not, you must be sipping French wine instead of good ol’ American root beer!

Now, let me get this straight. These EU elitists, with their fancy accents and their tiny coffee cups, think they can sweet-talk America into some globalist nonsense by dangling a bunch of claw-snapping sea bugs? What’s next, bribing us with snails or those smelly cheeses they’re so proud of? This isn’t a trade deal—it’s an INSULT! It’s a plot to flood our great nation with their overpriced, highfalutin crustaceans while they laugh at us from their castles and count their euros. Well, I say, KEEP YOUR LOBSTERS, YOU BERET-WEARING BUREAUCRATS!

SEAFOOD BUFFET?

Let’s talk straight, America. We don’t need Europe’s fishy handouts. We’ve got our own shrimp, our own crabs, and our own red-blooded fishermen who don’t need lessons from some guy named Pierre on how to crack a claw. This lobster lunacy is just the latest trick to make us bow to the globalist goons who want us eating croissants and speaking French by next Tuesday. And don’t get me started on the timing! With President Trump back in the White House, fighting for American jobs and American burgers, these EU slicksters think they can distract him with a seafood buffet? Not on my watch, pal!

Here’s what really burns my biscuits: this whole deal smells like a conspiracy to undermine our way of life. You think it’s just lobsters today? Tomorrow, they’ll be shipping over their weird yogurt and their tiny cars that look like roller skates. Before you know it, we’ll all be wearing scarves and calling soccer “football.” Over my dead body! I say we tell those EU pencil-pushers to take their trade deal and shove it where the sun don’t shine—preferably in one of their overpriced bistros!

AMERICAN PRIDE

So, wake up, America! Call your congressman, your senator, your dogcatcher—anybody who’ll listen—and tell ‘em we won’t stand for this lobster invasion. Let’s keep our plates piled high with American steak, American fries, and American pride. President Trump, you know what to do: build a wall around their lobsters and make the EU pay for it! As for me, I’m gonna go grill a hot dog and salute Old Glory. Who’s with me?

Ed Anger is madder than ever and ain’t apologizing! Write to him at Weekly World News, but don’t expect him to calm down!