ALIEN LANDS IN VERMONT

Gets Too Fat To Fly Home

The quiet town of Newport, Vermont didn’t expect a visit from extraterrestrial life this summer but that’s exactly
what it got on a humid afternoon in June. Shocked commuters watched as a small spacecraft touched down near the
gas station on Sias Avenue around 2pm. The pilot, a tiny grey traveler, had apparently picked Earth as a vacation destination.
Once inside the service station, the vanquished visitor ate every sugary snack in sight. Weekly World News
went to Newport to get the story directly from those involved.

“At first I didn’t mind cause he looked hungry,” said Andy Munsch, the store’s clerk. “But then I noticed he
was naked and that meant he didn’t have any money on him. I couldn’t afford all that junk food coming out of
my paycheck so I had to call the cops.”

Before the police arrived a local woman known for taking in strays covered the bill. She even offered up her
spare room so the interstellar visitor didn’t have to sleep in his ship. Unfortunately, her new roommate was
not a gracious guest.

“All he did was lay on my couch, watch TV and eat ice cream,” said Sarah Penton, who opened her house up
to the traveler. “If I tried to watch my stories he’d hiss at me until I went back to the kitchen to make another
pizza.”

Ms. Penton was shocked by the creature’s lack of manners. “I don’t know how it is where he comes from, but
here in Vermont you don’t just bark kitchen orders at your host,” she added. “That’s rude.”

Lucky for her, the vacationing visitor would eventually return home. After 2 long weeks of servitude, she was
thrilled to drop him back off at his ship. But on arrival, it was clear there was going to be another hurdle to
getting him home.

“I knew as soon as he stood next to his spaceship that he wasn’t going to fit,” she recalled. “He’s only 4’ tall
and eating 3 pizzas a day. What’d he think was going to happen?”

Andy Munsch was back at work the day the creature departed, “At first I didn’t recognize him because he was
so big. Do all aliens eat that much on vacation? I don’t really know a lot of outer space people so I probably
shouldn’t judge, but just between us, he looked really fat.”

The creature then spent 30 minutes trying to wedge himself into his ship before giving up and going back into the
gas station. This time the extraterrestrial didn’t binge on beef jerky but took a pit stop in the restroom.

“He was in there a while and it sounded pretty weird,” Mr. Munsch recalled. “But when he came out he was
back to his regular size. I checked the bathroom after he left and everything seemed normal. I got no idea
what he was up to in there.

The visitor then climbed back into his ship and took off into the sky without thanks or a wave.

“That was one rude space dude,“ Mr. Munsch quipped. “Typical Gootan if you ask me.”

Now that the ordeal was over Ms. Penton was asked if she’d do the same thing again if given the chance. “Of
course I would,” she said. “He was just one bad apple, I can’t imagine the entire solar system is full of beings
like that. My door is always open, but next time I’ll expect them to pitch in on the grocery bill.”