U.S. SPACE FORCE DESTROYED MOST OF THE ASTEROID BEFORE IT HIT EARTH!
PEORIA, IL – NASA representatives confirmed to Weekly World News that Asteroid 2019XPX5 entered the Earth’s atmosphere early this morning at 3:38 am (CDT). The U.S. Space Force immediately fired lasers at the asteroid, using weapons created by Elon Musk.
It was a success! The laser guns of the U.S. Space Force Asteroid 2019XPX5 destroyed 71% of the asteroid just after the asteroid passed through the Earth’s thermosphere. Scientists and military leaders tracked the asteroid from a NASA bunker outside Houston.
“It was incredible! A direct hit on our first try. We were giving each other high-fives and ‘air-hugs’ from six feet away. It was thrilling,” said Banesh Bannerjee, NASA’s lead scientist. “In August, scientists predicted that Asteroid 2019XPX5 would hit earth on election day and we were right!”
But there was a slight problem. The remaining 30% of Asteroid 2019XPX5 was still headed for Peoria, Illinois and there was nothing we could do to stop it. “Space Force fired again, but they missed. All we could do was pray for Peoria.”
THE BIG BOUNCE!
NASA scientists could only watch. They held their breaths as Asteroid 2019XPX5 made a beeline for Peoria. And —
It hit! The asteroid struck the ground at The Dan Fogelberg Memorial on the shores of the Illinois River. The force and speed of the asteroid should have caused major damage. But that wasn’t the case. The asteroid barely made a sound as it made impact and then… it immediately bounced back up into the stratosphere.
Scientists had predicted an “Asteroid Bounce”, even though many thought they had lost their minds. “Asteroids just don’t bounce. That’s not a thing,” said Dr. Randy Walladrom of M.I.T. “If an asteroid makes hits any place on earth it will destroy it. Period. Bannerjee is batty.”
Dr. Walladrom was wrong. Very wrong. Witnesses near the Dan Fogelberg Memorial said they barely heard the asteroid approaching.
“Then all-of-a-sudden, I heard a big swoosh sound. Kind of like a big gust of wind,” said Dorothea Jackson, who lives about half-a-mile from the memorial. She had just let her dog out when she saw it. “It came out of nowhere. Looked like it was the size of a big ole helicopter or a Costo refrigerator. It came zooming out of the sky.”
Dorothea covered her head, dropped to the ground, and grabbed her poodle – DingDong. She was afraid of what was about to happen. She described what happened next —
“I couldn’t believe my eyes. The damned thing hit over by the memorial and just bounced up into the sky. It was here for a second, bounced, and was gone. I was in shock. That damn thing bounced!” Dorothea told Weekly World News.
THE ASTEROID WON’T GO QUIETLY!
But it wasn’t over. The asteroid bounced back down to Peoria again. hit Dozer Park then ricocheted and hit the Peoria Becker Building, the Caterpillar Building, then it ricocheted into the Illinois River.
“I thought that was it. It was gone. I relaxed my grip on DingDong when it went into the river. I thought I was hallucinating, but the damn thing then came shooting out of the river and back up into the sky.”
And that was it. Asteroid 2019XPX5 was gone.
“I don’t care what anybody says. I saw what I saw. It was amazing. I’m still shaking,” said Dorothea.
“She’s right,” Dr. Bannerjee told Weekly World News. “We had run some tests on the asteroid over the last few weeks and we were convinced it was composed of a rubbery substance that we have yet to identify. We were right – again!
Peoria was saved! Thought most didn’t even know what had happened.
“The whole thing lasted about 35 seconds,” said Dorothea.
THE BIG RICOCHET?
Apparently, Asteroid 2019XPX5 didn’t disappear right away. NASA reports that the astroid then ricocheted over to Mount Rushmore, bounced off, zoomed off again – hitting parts of Canada, Russia, Thailand and finally it hit a small house on Fiji (destroying 3 surfboards), before heading back into space where it disintegrated.
Why did the asteroid hit Peoria? Why the Dan Fogelberg Memorial? Scientists are looking into these questions. But forever this event will be known as The Great Peoria Asteroid Bounce!